It’s been almost three years since I’ve joined you all here. When we last spoke, in the near beginnings of the pandemic, I wrote a blog post about God being The Great Investor. I reminded you, through the life of Moses, that God is willing to hold onto His investment even when the market (your environment, fears, emotions, beliefs, and self talk) is unsteady. He holds because He loves you (Ephesians 3:18-19). He holds because He promised to never leave nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8). He holds because He knows what’s inside of you and how the makings of you (personality, environment, passions and interests, and even traumas and hardships) will be used for His glory (Matthew 5:16 ; Ephesians 2:10). I wrote that blog post with joy, appreciative of God’s ability to use me to share with you how much He values and cherishes you. Interesting things happen, however, when you can believe those truths for others but still can’t believe them for yourself.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8

Somewhere between that last blog post and the early parts of 2021, I sunk into depression. Honestly, I was depressed prior to 2021; but, during that timeframe, depression’s roar grew even louder. All at once, it felt, I was overcome with sadness. Nothing, externally, was wrong. I got to go back with my mom during the better part of the pandemic, working safely and comfortably from home. I was healthy and strong. My job was good. There were no issues. And yet, internally, failure was all I could hear. I felt like I had nothing about me that was valuable or important. I merely traveled through life with no real goals or passions, working to please others yet not even sure I was doing that well. Let’s not even get started on how I thought I looked to God. A great investment? Eh. Maybe when my faith got a bit stronger or when I felt like I had something more impactful to offer Him. Definitely when I shouted His name out to everyone I came across. Then, maybe then, I’d be worth a shot. You may be asking yourself, “What?! Doesn’t she know, given what she writes, that it doesn’t work that way?” And yes, I know in theory. But in practice…

That head versus heart knowledge has always been a battle for me. I can know the word of God. I can even know things that I may be good at or ways God has used me to help or encourage others. Knowing, up until fairly recently, however, didn’t really mean much to me. It either went in one ear and out the other or I cherished it only when I could apply it to other people for their benefit. But for me, solely, they were empty words. And when God’s words fall flat, guess whose words roar loudly? That ugly, dusty, and probably crusty devil. And, unfortunately, I believed him.

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”” – Genesis 3:1

For me, it was easy to believe the devil’s words. The devil’s words, unlike God’s words, were most familiar to me. Since a child, I’ve heard the devil speak. Through bullying and betrayal, he spoke clearly. Through manipulation and uprooting, he spoke clearly. Through disappointments and sadness, he spoke clearly. To constantly and consistently hear “you’re not enough”, “you’ll only be used but never cherished”, “you have no mind of your own”, “you’ll always be alone”, and “you’ll always be second choice” all your life, among others, will of course lead to belief. How could you not believe him? The devil not only speaks but will, to drive a point home, highlight experiences and situations that back up and prove his accusations and lies. When there’s evidence, how could you possibly believe anything else?

In 2021, as depression continued to roar, God graced me with His confrontation on the matter. Though He used the Bible to a degree, He primarily used people, people that loved me, to call out the depression and address it firmly with His love and truth. His love and truth took the form of people and resources that could speak life into me when I couldn’t for myself. From therapy to life coaching to family and friends to God, Himself, I was hit upside the head with help. This help, however, especially in the beginning, was not fun, easy, or particularly enjoyable. It confronted, questioned, and challenged me. Help from God, especially to renew your mind, requires discomfort and painful honesty. It also requires time and patience. It took me TIME. It’s still taking me time. But from the beginnings of 2021 to now, I’ve grown. I unearthed traumas that affected me more than I originally recognized. I created action plans to produce different results than I’ve previously had. I had to be honest with others, but especially myself, when it came to the issues I caused (can’t play victim forever). I also worked hard (and am still working) to believe God first. All of these things, both then and now, are producing fruit in my life and making me stronger against the devil’s attacks. 

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” – Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭10‬-‭18‬

All of this culminates to the title of this post and my challenge to you. When the devil speaks, we must speak back. As often as he talks, we must respond. It is with the word of God that Jesus defeated the devil (Matthew 4:1-11), and it is with the word of God that we defeat him too. I was guilty (and can still be) of sitting back and letting him verbally attack me. Playing the victim, though devastating, was easy and familiar. I was too scared to speak back. What would I say? The devil’s taunts sounded like truth to me anyway. I learned, during this time, that the words I spoke back had to be God’s words; and not only did I have to say them, but I really had to believe them. God’s word is true, whether I believe it or not; however, to speak with power and to square up with the devil like I knew I needed to, I had to believe that what I was saying about God, and in turn myself, was true and worth standing on.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8

To square up, if not familiar with the term, is to get in a fighting stance. Your hands are up and you’re ready to hit or defend against any sudden attack from your opponent. To square up against the devil, I had to be ready to go with the word of God and my conviction about it as a reliable weapon. This was not an easy task for me because, as I mentioned earlier, the devil had had my ear for much longer. His words, no matter how deceitful, felt familiar and true. To switch that, I had to be intentional about tuning my ear to a new voice and ensuring that this new voice, God’s voice, was just as constant and consistent as the devil’s voice had been, if not more. This included more intentional Bible reading (looking for and meditating on promises and truths of God specific to my situation or mindset), changing the entertainment I consumed, curating godly counsel in friends and family, fasting, being brave enough to admit struggle areas to God and others, and giving myself grace. I had to want God and His best for me more than I wanted the comfort of deceitful familiarity. Whatever is true. God’s word. Whatever is noble. God’s faithfulness and commitment to us. Whatever is pure. God’s thoughts about us. Think of those things. And that’s what I did, am doing, and will continue to do for the rest of my life. The devil is relentless, so I (and you!) can’t let up. Reflecting, mediating, and seeking the word of God, and the evidence of His promises already in my life, not only gave me some words to use when the devil spoke, but also provided the confidence I needed to believe them. The more I began to speak God’s words, coupled with more intentional recognition of His faithfulness and trustworthiness in my life, the more settled in belief I felt. I was more inclined to believe God’s words, or at least commit to trying to, than blocking them out and letting the devil have my mind as he usually did. But trust me, this journey isn’t perfect. I still struggle. I still get discouraged. The devil still sounds pretty accurate and honest to me at times. The blessing, however, is that God is still faithful, reliable, and committed to my growth. The Great Investor. I know that there’s brighter light on the other side of the fight. I know that there’s a version of myself who is stronger, bolder, and more confident not only in God, but in who God has made me to be. The same is true for you. If the devil has had your ear and your mind for too long, you’ve got to start fighting back as well. Being passive won’t win this war. And remember, you’re not in this alone. God is right there with you. Don’t be dismayed or discouraged. God will help you (Isaiah 41:10-13).

It’s with my recent experiences and my current mindset that I’m writing to you today. If you resonated with any of this, I pray that my story gave you another push to keep fighting back. God gave us victory and power through the work of Jesus and the truth of His word. Be committed to intentionally believing. Be committed to getting the help you need, in whatever way you can. Be committed to seeking out God’s presence and care in your everyday life. Be committed to giving yourself grace, time and time again. Be committed to knocking the devil out each and every time. God is faithful and He will help you. He doesn’t want you suffering. He’s full of mercy and grace. No amount of doubt or sin or mistakes can stop His love for you. Ask Him boldly for help, for deliverance, and for a new desire for Him. He will do it (Psalm 37:4).

Until next time, y’all. We got this!

By the way, it’s been so long that I’m not even a twentysomething anymore lol. 😩😂❤️ We’ll have to work on a new name. God bless you.