Fear.

This invisible giant taunts and threatens many of us day after day. We’re not good enough. We’re not brave enough. We’re not strong enough. We’re not capable enough. How do you handle these attacks? Do you shrink back or rise up to the occasion? While I’ve shrunk back more times that I’d like, this current pandemic has felt like a personal challenge from the Lord to step up to the plate for His kingdom.

Admittedly, this challenge hasn’t been the most pleasant. While I have spent some days in the calm of hope, the majority of my days have been in mental fights against forceful waves of frustration. Why can’t I rise up in faith? Why do I keep meeting God’s calls with hesitancy, or worse, paralysis? Is God going to dump me in irritation and move on to someone more willing? In one of my more recent moments of frustration, God, graciously, provided me with some encouragement that I want to share with you. Let’s dive into the story of Gideon: a guy very much like me and probably a lot like you too.

“The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.””
‭‭ – Judges‬ ‭6:11-15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When we meet Gideon, he is hiding in a winepress to avoid the oppression of the Midianites. Midian, an enemy country of Israel during this time, was known to destroy and steal the food and possessions of the Israelites. It is surprising then, as Gideon hides in fear, that the angel of the Lord greets Gideon with the name “mighty warrior.” Not missing a beat, Gideon looks at his fear, his current circumstances, and his overwhelming inadequacies and immediately rejects the title. Have you, like Gideon, ever disqualified yourself when God tried to give you a new name? He may have called you something spiritual like righteous or worthy or forgiven. He may have called you something natural like business owner, first generation college graduate, or mommy. Whatever it is, how did you handle His name for you? Did you look at your lack of a spouse, your lack of mentorship, your constant mistakes, or your innumerable flaws and tell God it wasn’t possible? If so, trust me, you’re not alone!

While our automatic disqualifications may seem sensible, they’re nothing more than detrimental and stifling. Furthermore, in the act of disqualifying ourselves, we end up committing an even greater offense. Look again at the angel’s declaration. What’s the critical piece of information Gideon discredited? The Lord is with you. Can we talk about the ease in which we also disqualify God because we don’t understand His plans?
God put me here but…
God gave me the desire but…
God told me but…
It’s the “but” that often keeps us stuck in the paralysis of fear. Take a second to think about your excuses. What would happen if we actually put respect on God’s name and track record? What would happen if we finally saw the value in His presence? What would happen if we actually gave Him a fair shot to prove Himself true? God tells Gideon (us) that He’s the one initiating the sending. If He’s sending then He’s implying that we will be victorious. Unfortunately, many of us shut Him out before He can even finish the sentence. When did we become too big for God to handle? When did our situation become too complex for God to understand? When did the power of our fears trump the all knowing and all powerful God of the universe? Many of us need to re-evaluate our view of God. He’s the God who caused the planets to be, who gave you breath, and who saved your life. When did those things become common? When did those things become not enough? I pray that as we meditate on His word we would rekindle our reverence and awe for Him. He’s big enough to carry us through our fears. Will we let Him?

“Gideon said to God, “If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised— look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said.” And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water. Then Gideon said to God, “Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece, but this time make the fleece dry and let the ground be covered with dew.” That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew.” – Judges‬ ‭6:36-40‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I’m currently learning that the call God has for each of us is truly a journey. There will be moments of great confidence and great fear all along the same path. This truth is not something we should shy away from but rather embrace wholeheartedly. One of the most beautiful things about God, as shown in this passage, is that He is more gracious towards us than we sometimes give Him credit for. While He can often be no nonsense, He can also be extremely gentle and patient. Take a look again at Gideon. Despite Gideon’s acceptance of the call (Judges 6:24), he later suffered another moment of fear. With a need for reassurance, Gideon asked God to perform a miracle as confirmation of his victory. Though God didn’t have to, without fuss, He performed the miracle. Still unsure, Gideon respectfully asked God to do another. Clearly, Gideon was scared. He needed to be absolutely certain that this was really what God called Him to before confronting the battle head-on.

How did God react when Gideon requested the second miracle? Did God rebuke him? Did God get annoyed, change His mind, and not use Gideon? No! God performed the signs Gideon asked. Because God is a God of love, of empathy, of grace, and of comfort, He met Gideon where He was. This exchange helped me to realize the power of dependency. As shown through Gideon, God honors our need for help. He honors our need for reassurance. He honors our desire to please Him even in our fears. He wants us to come to Him for strength so that our trust and confidence in Him can grow. Moreover, because of our dependency, when the victory is won (and it will be!), there will be no doubt as to Who gets the glory. I plead with you to never feel ashamed of or shrink away from your need for help. Remember, God can’t help someone who thinks they don’t need it. Let the pride go. Pastor Steven Furtick said it best: “The end of yourself is the beginning of grace.”

“Gideon and the hundred men with him reached the edge of the camp at the beginning of the middle watch, just after they had changed the guard. They blew their trumpets and broke the jars that were in their hands. The three companies blew the trumpets and smashed the jars. Grasping the torches in their left hands and holding in their right hands the trumpets they were to blow, they shouted, “A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!” While each man held his position around the camp, all the Midianites ran, crying out as they fled.” – Judges‬ ‭7:19-21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The victory belonged to Gideon the moment God called him a mighty warrior. Though God knew it, Gideon needed to see it for himself. Through this journey, full of bold steps of faith and cries for reassurance, Gideon was able to see that God could be trusted not only for this battle but for anything Gideon would need in his life. Similarly, in whatever we’re called to do, God knows our true name. He’s willing to go through the journey with us as long as we’re open enough to let Him in. As I continue to walk on this journey of faith over fear, I pray that you would join me. We’ve got work to do for the Lord and it is only by the strength of God that we will get it done. Take the first step and let Him tell you your name without interruption. Be open enough to accept it before you understand how it could be accomplished through someone like you. Remember, His strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). I can’t wait to see the fullness of your name realized.

Keep fighting for the true you, twentysomethings ❤️

P.S. If you ever need reassurance about God’s devotion to your victory, mediate on Isaiah 41:13-16.