“You’re not gonna shock God with your authenticity.” – Touré Roberts

 
I have been struggling with writer’s block for the past few weeks. Not because there wasn’t anything to say, but rather, it didn’t feel right, good enough. It wasn’t until a few days ago that the topic came to me. It wasn’t until this morning, that the words became clear.

I’m just going to get a little personal in hopes that it relates to you. I have been going through a period of transition. I’ve spoken about it in these blogs before, from life after school to growing in faith and trust. One thing specifically has been the fight for the real me. I don’t know about you, but it’s quite easy to be fake. It’s easy to say one thing but do another. It’s easy to put on a beautiful smile but be quite literally dying on the inside. That easiness is troubling and hindering. God has been trying to change me.

I was quite a good faker. I loved to tell both God and the people around me how good I was. I wasn’t the type to ask for help. I’d rather be there for someone else. I wasn’t the type to be honest about my flaws. I’d rather focus on my highlights. And while on the surface this seems okay, even natural, it’s not who you are. To be blunt, you can’t get blessed in this state.

“Blessed in this state” is a new concept to me. One would believe that God blesses you because He loves you. It’s all good then, right? Eh, not so much. I’ve been learning about the importance of destiny. Why am I here on the Earth? Why am I in or not in certain situations? As these months passed, God began to make it clear that in order to live out my destiny, I had to stop with the games. I had to stop being okay. I had to stop denying that I loved unholy things. I had to stop denying that God could be irritating and seemingly unfair at times. I had to stop.

Maybe stopping sounds easy but trust me, it’s not. It has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When you stop denying, you start to stand in agreement with God. You start humbling yourself and making room for God to come in and heal. While that’s great and all, that’s also the time that the fight starts. Your fleshly you and your spiritual you are now at war. In this war, you get tired. You’re now fighting the same thing you used to love, while simultaneously being on God’s team, not 100% sure how God is going to do what He has said. This is not a fun experience. Not at all.

So here I am, still fighting. There are days when I feel full of slay and power. There are also days when I feel about ready to die, ready to quit. I’ll ask myself is this all really worth it? I survived before I started fighting so I’ll be okay if I stop now. But God isn’t having that. Not even a little bit. It takes nothing before God will remind me of His promises or remind me of who I was (and all of the ratchetness involved). It’s true. I may not see how He is going to work it out. I may be confused and irritated and restless. But He knows that already. The power is in being honest about it.

Tell Him about your struggles and watch Him hold you in His arms. This is a fight worth staying in. Imagine you on the other side. God has your back, so keep those hands up!

Knock em out, twentysomethings.