Tag: tired

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

by Nikki Rich Writes ♥ 4 Comments

Last month I wrote about the importance of submitting your will to God. I wrote about the growth in your confidence once you realize that God is not here to harm you. I wrote my plea for you to give God a chance and allow Him to lead you, in His timing, to all your destiny has to offer. There were a few things I didn’t write, however. These things were principles that I learned this past month, after failing a few tests He gave me. These were things, that now I see, prove crucial to keeping your faith steady and strong during life’s shakiness. Let’s dive in.

Not too long after I wrote my last post, I found myself in a position to pursue some of the things God revealed about my destiny. Full of faith and expectant, I took a leap, believing that God gave me His “ok”. I made a connection here. A friend helped me there. My heart was overjoyed with the thought that I was finally focusing on something I really wanted. I felt like I was on the up and up until suddenly, I wasn’t. Out of nowhere, it seemed, a wave of “no” crashed into me so distinctly that I had to stop, feeling unsure of why or what to do about it. Instantly I looked at God for an explanation but I didn’t receive one. “Did He not give me the go ahead? Why would He do this?” I thought, upset and dejected. I let the disappointment settle on me until it turned into despair. I went from bad to worse, allowing my sadness to isolate me from others, to stifle my creativity, and to keep me in an ugly mood. Doesn’t this sound contrary to what I wrote about last month? God knew I had more learning to do.

“I meditate on Your precepts and consider Your ways. I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your word.” – Psalm 119:15-16

Though in my feelings, I never stopped talking to God. While, admittedly, I went through some days of whining and complaining (I’m not perfect y’all), I did continue to seek Him out for understanding. I wanted to know how I could get a “yes” in my spirit and then suddenly, as my joy grew, get kicked back down with a “no”. Without answering my questions, He brought me back to a notebook I had laying on my table. If you’ve been reading for a while, you would know that I wrote a post about that notebook and how I used it to battle my insecurities. He reminded me of how I used that notebook to grow in my faith and to learn His promises. He also reminded me that I hadn’t written in that notebook in weeks and perhaps my answer might lie there. Sighing, wishing He could just explain Himself to me instead, I grabbed that notebook and my Bible, and went on a hunt for some answers.

Searching for scriptures that addressed disappointment, I found myself in the book of Psalm, reading how David encouraged himself in the Lord. No matter how difficult things got, how much David messed up, or how many struggles David faced, His eyes still focused on God. Though he might complain in the beginning of a chapter, by its end, David would be magnifying the Lord’s name, confident that God loved him and had a plan for his life. As I began to write these various verses down, the light bulb went off. Did I not know about God’s faithfulness before? Did I not know that God promised to bless me?  Was it that I didn’t know these things or was it, perhaps, that I allowed myself to temporarily forget? This revelation made me realize why God brought me back to the notebook in the first place. To avoid even the temptation of thinking God had an ounce of malice towards me, I needed to keep my focus on His word and His promises. If I wasn’t meditating on them daily, reading them, and writing them down, life’s highs and lows would definitely weaken my faith. This was a reminder to focus on Him, not just in theory but in practice, daily, so that I would be assured, no matter the circumstances, of who He said He was and who I was in Him.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.” – Hebrews 12:11-12

When I was able to recall the goodness of God and His care, love, and faithfulness in the lives of His children, I was able to humble myself enough to apologize and start the process of wiping away the ugliness I had in my heart.  Digging deeper into what the Bible had to say about God, that wave of “no” soon began to retreat. I realized then that the “no” had less to do with stifling plans and more to do with checking my heart. How could I say that God’s will came before mine but get mad when He exercised said will? How could I pray to be a light yet still operate in darkness? How could I say that I had faith in God yet crumble at opposition? It’s not that God expects perfection, but He does expect me to trust His word and stand firm. He doesn’t want me to be a baby in Christ forever. It’s time that I start eating solids.

“The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:24

I wrote this to remind and challenge you to make this Jesus journey a forever thing. While we may be motivated and uplifted in one season, there will always be opposition and trouble to threaten our peace in the next. We must constantly check in with God. We must faithfully study His word and seek Him for clarity and guidance. We must recall His attributes and allow them to encourage us always, especially in our low times. God loves us, even when we tend to forget. While it’s normal to have these moments, it’s imperative that we don’t stay there. Let’s level up.

We aren’t babies anymore, twenty somethings ❤️

Learning & Refining

Learning & Refining

by Nikki Rich Writes ♥ 2 Comments

Sit. Breathe. Listen.

I ask myself often why I can’t take a seat?! My mind constantly races and I never allow myself to be at ease. I’ll catch myself stumbling over , striding towards or striving for something instead of resting. As you can imagine, this has messed with both my endurance and my emotions. There are moments when, at the height of my stride, I can feel on top of the world, handling responsibilities and feeling like I’m really plugged into God. Conversely, I can feel beat up and out of breath when all of my personal effort seemingly leads me nowhere or puts me in an unwanted position I didn’t foresee previously. I’ve learned, or rather have been reminded, that sometimes I disregard the voice of God in the entire matter. While I may have Godly people and Godly influences around me, God Himself will be on the back burner. That positioning often leads to issues like what I’ve described above. A more real example of this just occurred recently. Hopefully my story will be helpful to some of you.

For the past two or three months, I’ve been watching a church on YouTube that preached primarily to young adults. Grabbing my attention by preaching in fun but very insightful ways, I grew excited. As I know myself to do (I’m still a work in progress, y’all), I became obsessed. I listened to sermons night and day and didn’t think anything was wrong because, of course, it was the Word of God. The more time I spent listening to these sermons, as well as a few more from other pastors I loved, I began to feel heavy. They were all telling me to do so many things. I needed to evangelize more. I needed to write my vision down. I needed to have greater faith. I needed to rest more. I needed to put my faith into action. It was information overload. While all these sermons were all valid and all great in their contexts, that didn’t make them all valid and great for me to hear simultaneously. At the time however, I didn’t understand that.

Fast forward to a week or so ago when the heaviness, particularly to evangelize, weighed on me. The idea of evangelizing freaked me out because I’m quiet and introverted, especially around strangers (all prayers are appreciated, y’all). I was fearful honestly. The various sermons told me about the lives that needed to be saved. They told me how people can’t call on Jesus if they never heard of Him (John 10: 14-15). I felt that responsibility. I felt the compassion. I did actually care. I was so scared though. I had fears such as: “What will they say?”, “Will I even make sense?”,  “Will they reject me?”,  and “Will it matter?”.  Regardless of how “weak” those fears may seem to other people, they felt intensely real and strong to me. As real as they felt, the guilt was even more intense. I knew I didn’t need to be fearful. I knew I wasn’t supposed to shy away. No matter how many people told me to breathe and pray for opportunity, I always felt like there was always opportunity that I was cowardly avoiding. I kept holding this guilt and disappointment in myself, not even realizing the true severity of it, until I got a migraine.

My history of migraines runs deep. It’s too deep to get into now but trust me. Long story short, I’ve had chronic migraines since I was thirteen, filled with hospitalizations and prescription medications. By God’s grace, however, I haven’t had a migraine in about two years! As you can imagine then, when I got one, I instantly freaked out and was confused. I didn’t understand where it came from or what triggered it. Though I didn’t connect the dots right away, the following day, God let me know exactly what caused my migraine. He told me, and I paraphrase, “the devil is setting you up. He wants you to believe that you’re not worthy. He wants you to think that I’m upset with you. He’s trying to get you to believe that I’m disappointed in you. You’re believing him. I’m not mad at you. Let’s try again. Focus on Me.” When I heard that, the light bulb went off and everything clicked. The devil knew the right button to push. I’m very type A (again, prayers please!). I always want to do it right, be perfect, and do the best job. It seems to be heightened when it relates to pleasing God with my life. While that’s all great and wonderful, it’s also dangerous because I’m not a perfect person nor will I ever be. God understands our humanity (Psalm 103: 13-18). He knew we weren’t perfect from the beginning. That’s why He sent Jesus in the first place! He gets it. I am the one that so desperately needs to understand that truth! To accept that we aren’t perfect but that we are in God’s grace, is the biggest first step. To sit under Him, submitted, dependent, and obedient is how we win. He wants to help. He cares for us. (Isaiah 30:18)

So for me, focusing on His voice looks like fasting from listening to the zillions of sermons on YouTube everyday and just reading the Bible. I come to Him with questions or thoughts and I let Him lead me to answers and further understanding about who He is and who He says I am in Him. Am I, today, still fearful? Yes! Do I feel like a disappointment and a bad Christian? No! That’s progress in my book. It will only go up from here. That I definitely believe.

I write all of this to say that the devil is busy and working his hardest to defeat you. He will use any and every trick in the book to break you down and pull you away from Christ. Don’t believe his lies, no matter how true they feel. Even at your lowest, God loves you, wants you and is longing to take care of you. Remove the noise and listen for His voice. There’s always more learning and refining to do in us. When you get confronted with something, don’t shy away out of fear, shame, or disappointment. God loves all of you and will continue to work, correct, and shape you into who He’s called you to be. Let Him do it. God is preparing you for greater.

There’s more for you, twenty somethings ❤️

Nevertheless

Nevertheless

by Nikki Rich Writes ♥ 2 Comments

Nevertheless: in spite of that; all the same; notwithstanding (Oxford Dictionary)

 

As we began to push out from the gate, in route to see family for Thanksgiving, the pilot informed us that we were going to be delayed due to weather conditions. Instead of  letting us wait inside the airport, we had to sit on the airplane, for an hour, before being cleared to fly. As expected, many passengers became irritated as they complained about the inconvenience.  Just as the pilot promised however, after the hour passed, we began the preparation to take off once again. This time successful, a beautiful scene of mountains and bright sunshine welcomed us as we flew upwards towards the sky. Though the start of the journey was frustrating, we made it to our destination, nevertheless.

Reflecting on the situation, as I looked out of the window at the clouds above and the mountains below, I couldn’t help but smile. God wasted no time in providing another lesson on the power of nevertheless. This power, often easily accessible in certain areas of our lives (where we’ve got the most control over situations), is usually extremely  difficult to grasp in other areas (where we feel uncentered and uncertain). For me, I struggled and still struggle with it as it relates to my spirituality and relationship with God. If you think that that may sound like you, I encourage you to keep reading.

As has been well documented in this blog, I’ve been in a constant state of pruning for months now. Recently, I have felt led to let go of things that have meant a lot to me, have (at least in my opinion) shaped me, have comforted me, and have been synonymous with who I define myself as. When I felt led, I immediately wanted to resist. Who wants to let go of the things they love the most? None of us, obviously!  But God kept pushing me, kept talking to me, and kept encouraging me to try it out. I sighed, realizing that He wasn’t going to back down. If I said I wanted to honor Him and love Him, even a pinch of how He loves and takes care of me, I could at least get serious and take a chance on Him with this new assignment.

So I started all at once. I gave up the music I loved listening to, removed the social media I mindlessly checked,  I began to go to Him as my first resource for all matters, and started becoming more diligent and intentional in my prayer and devotional time. Almost instantly, I felt uncomfortable and annoyed. I began to cry out in distress: “Do I really have to do ALL OF THIS?!” “So what am I supposed to do with myself now?” “How long are we going to keep this on for, Lord?” Basically, it wasn’t your girl’s finest moment. As the days went by however, I started to adapt. I began to find myself actually enjoying this new level of relationship with God. I stopped whining and focused in on this new journey. I began to feel a closer connection to God as the things that so easily distracted me and honestly, took God’s place, weren’t readily accessible to me anymore. I thought I was good. I thought I could do it. I had in the bag…until I didn’t.

It’s always in the moments when you let your guard down, like when everybody’s seatbelt is fastened and we’re ready to takeoff, that you get knocked back down and your feelings get hurt. I was on fire for about a week, then suddenly I wasn’t. I became restless once again. “What’s one song?!” “How LONG Lord?!” “I’m going to get my stuff back, right?” Instead of getting me back in line on His own, God left it up to me to decide. “Is that one song more important than Me?” “Didn’t I promise you that I would be with you until the very end?” “Don’t you believe that I know you and know what you need?” “Do you want to keep playing the same games or do you want to get serious about My will for your life?” God countered. I sighed then smiled in response. He was looking out for me (like always). He wanted me to put away the distractions so that I could see His truth. His ultimate goal was to get me prepared and focused to do all that He put me on this earth to do. Who was I to fight back against what He was doing to prosper me? It was then that the power of nevertheless took its form for real.

⁃ I’m tired Lord but nevertheless will I follow Your commands. (Psalm 119:112)
⁃ I feel like I’m missing out Lord but nevertheless will I trust that You have prepared the proper time for me to do everything assigned to me. (Ecclesiastes 8:6)
⁃ It hurts Lord but nevertheless will I believe that You take on every burden. (Matthew 11:28-30)

I urge you to operate in your own nevertheless power. It’s not fun AT ALL (heads up lol). However, knowing that You are in His will and that His plans are beyond what you can currently fathom is truly worth it. You won’t be alone either as you have a fellow friend (me!) who struggles through it to. Always remember, where God is leading us will be much better than the places and plans we’ve laid out for ourselves.

His will, His way, and His time, twentysomethings!