I recently received the biggest and most important revelation of my life thus far: God loves me. I know that this revelation, at first read, may seem dull, but please hear me out. While it IS basic, it’s also something many of us don’t fully take in and accept. It’s the foundation that everyone of us should stand on. I realized that before now, I wasn’t standing on it at all. I was, at best, using it as a churchy thing to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t know God loved me, it was that I didn’t believe it. It’s only in this past week that God really brought it to the forefront and made me examine myself and Him. It is only now that I’m seeing that revelation as something more than just knowledge, but as power.

Let’s take it back to our favorite twenty-something topic: adulting. In the fullness of our adulting experiences, we are all extremely stretched. We have classes to pass and we have bills to pay. We have bosses to impress and we have children to keep alive. Simply, adulting is stressful. It seems to be full of work with minimal play. We are constantly performing and constantly working towards perfection. As adults, we are marked, many times, by our ability to excel, to get it all right. If we possibly fall short, in any area, we risk eviction, getting fired, even losing the beauty of our Instagram highlight reel (that’s another topic for another day lol). The point I’m trying to make is that we are conditioned to perform. Very rarely are we graced to stumble, let alone fall. For me, that mentality was applied not only to adulting but to God. I was a class act performer. I went to church. I read my scriptures. I encouraged others. I prayed to be used by Him. While all these things were done with sincerity and good intention, I wasn’t doing it out of pure love. My desire was to get the gold star. I wanted to win the Oscar, I wanted His approval.

This realization was the latest lesson of my pruning process. I pretty much got slapped in the face when God let me know that I was doing everything under the sun except seeing Him. He told me, simply, that He wasn’t like the people on this earth. I didn’t have to impress Him. I didn’t have to perform. He already knew me. He already loved me unconditionally. Even at my worst, He wanted me.
As a performer, this sounded good but was quite the challenge to accept ( it’s still a challenge at times, honestly). It sounds awesome for God to love me just as I am, to purpose me for greater, and to have nothing separate me from His love. I couldn’t understand how exactly that worked in real life though. I wanted to perform, badly. I had many questions such as: “How can I show you that I love you? What fast do I need to do? What scriptures do I need to read to prove that I’m serious about You?” My questions were met with silence, unsurprisingly. To be honest, even now it strikes a nerve. I don’t like not knowing. I don’t like not having an action plan.

Funny enough, He wants me (and all of us) to get to that point. He wants me not knowing what to do or how to act, in my own strength. Being in that state leaves us dependent, seeking Him out for everything. Experience has shown me, time and time again, that when I depend on my performance, my will, and my logic, I fall short every time. While that may work beautifully in the “real world”, God has no time for my games. As well intentioned as my performance was, it wasn’t His way. I needed to surrender to Him. I needed to listen and to obey, pushing my own feelings aside. I couldn’t play church or just say the right kind of prayer hoping all would be okay. I had to drop it all, get real, and let Him in everywhere and in everything.

I’m not writing this as someone who has now figured it out. I am writing as someone still perched in the process. I’m still confused at times and still fighting my flesh all the time. I have not been given all the answers during this process. In fact, this is a step by step, day by day sort of situation. But step by step, God is revealing. He is assuring me that He loves me, right here. He is sending me scriptures that show me how he views me, how he uses people like me. He is putting revelation in my heart about His purpose for me. He is letting me know that with Him, I’m unstoppable. Having to now walk this out, I find myself completely shook. I’m constantly wondering why He loves me so much, to the point that He’s willing to take it back to this basic but fundamental promise. The answer, I’m getting time and time again is because, simply, I’m His child and we have destiny to do. The same is true for you.

I just encourage you to relax. We have so many demands and opportunities to perform both in the natural and the spiritual. I pray that you wait to see what God says and where He tells you to go. Our own will is fruitless, but His will leads to abundance, opportunity, healing, and freedom. Sit in the revelation that He loves you. Not only does He love you, but He wants the best for you. Because you’re His child, He will hold you up, keep you from falling, and remind you of all His promises for your life. Grace and mercy follow us because He loves us.

Surrender your thoughts, your plans, and your desire to perform. Let Him complete His perfect work in you. You will not fail. You will not fall. His power will be all over you. For when you are weak, then you are strong! (2 Corinthians 12:10)

He loves you, twentysomethings!

“For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Check out this skit to drive the message home: