Tag: pain

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed

by Nikki Rich Writes ♥ 3 Comments

“If I could speak honestly, it don’t feel good. But growing never does. It don’t seem fair for You to call this love. But if necessary pain is the ingredient for change, even when life may be bittersweet, it’s working just for me.” – Kirk Franklin

As a twenty something, I know you’ve felt overwhelmed at least a few times in your life. You may have felt overwhelmed by work deadlines, bill payments, school assignments, business plans, or even just what to eat for dinner. Likewise, I’m sure you’ve been overwhelmed by your dreams more than you can count. Think about it. How many times have you seen yourself in the position you desire, living a life that currently seems unattainable? How often do you space out from the real world and instead fill your mind with creative ideas and plans to propel your career? Despite your dreams and aspirations, admittedly, it can be a real disappointment to look around and see that life appears to be stagnant. While you’re sincerely grateful for what you have and who you currently are in this season, discontentment can still easily creep in when everything you dreamed about seems light years away. What do you do to cope? How do you endure when you don’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel?

This is me. Every morning, I wake up thinking about the hopes and dreams I have for my life. Despite my faith, the gaping holes between my now and my hope to be still feel overwhelming. Though I make attempts toward my goals, I find myself unsure and slow moving, not nearly as graceful as others around me seem to portray.  I hear tons of advice from family, friends, and spiritual leaders but still feel a void, wondering how, if, and when it’ll all apply to me. I feel tired by my exertion while simultaneously annoyed by my rest. I’m in the middle of this thing, trying to fight for the dream, while resistance around me taunts me to settle. The hike is all uphill and if I don’t make it to the top, I’ll succumb to the land of complacency. Overwhelmed.

I’ve recently been obsessed with Kirk Franklin’s new song “Just for Me”. He asserts and assures the necessity of the fight, of disappointments, and of dreams deferred. What I love most about the song is the declaration that everything is working out even though the process is tumultuous and unnerving. As a Christian, I’m often tempted to operate out of a false righteous strength during more overwhelming seasons. This “strength” disregards real hurt, pain, and disappointment and replaces it with a smile unaffected by affliction or heavy pruning. The strength asserts that everything going on is fine and dandy because in time, God will make it all better. Though it is true that God will make everything right in its time (Ecclesiastes 3), that doesn’t mean I enjoy the waiting and wondering. I’ve learned, especially during difficult times, the importance of being honest about your stress, worry, and weariness. God cares when you hurt. He doesn’t want you to try to figure it all out on your own. He isn’t interested in you being tough and unbothered. What He really wants is dependence. He wants you to lean on Him not just for direction but also for perspective and revelation. It is only when you rest in Him, away from your plans and schemes, that your mindset starts changing and you experience real strength.

God’s revelation and perspective will change your outlook on slow-moving and difficult times in your life. You will be able to admit how painful the feelings of insufficiency and inability are while simultaneously using those feelings as the motivation necessary to keep fighting for the dreams you know God placed down in you. You’ll acknowledge how tiring it is to constantly hike uphill yet still see the hike as an endurance builder, preparing you for the more you’ll have to conquer at your next level. Simply, you will no longer see yourself as a failure. You’ll see every struggle, every overwhelming moment, and every mistake as preparatory steps. You’ll realize that you had to go through those situations in order to become better equipped for when your time actually comes. Though overwhelming moments will continue to threaten your peace, the change in your perspective will be the way you push pass them and continue believing. Remember, God called you for His purpose. He will make sure it gets done. The key, then, is really to hold on and trust God’s timing with your life. You need to relax. You already know God works everything out for your good (Romans 8:28). You already know that God will give you everything you need to fulfill His purpose for your life (Philippians 1:6). Don’t give up. Your dreams are not in vain.

Its working out for you, twenty somethings 💕🙏🏾

Nevertheless

Nevertheless

by Nikki Rich Writes ♥ 2 Comments

Nevertheless: in spite of that; all the same; notwithstanding (Oxford Dictionary)

 

As we began to push out from the gate, in route to see family for Thanksgiving, the pilot informed us that we were going to be delayed due to weather conditions. Instead of  letting us wait inside the airport, we had to sit on the airplane, for an hour, before being cleared to fly. As expected, many passengers became irritated as they complained about the inconvenience.  Just as the pilot promised however, after the hour passed, we began the preparation to take off once again. This time successful, a beautiful scene of mountains and bright sunshine welcomed us as we flew upwards towards the sky. Though the start of the journey was frustrating, we made it to our destination, nevertheless.

Reflecting on the situation, as I looked out of the window at the clouds above and the mountains below, I couldn’t help but smile. God wasted no time in providing another lesson on the power of nevertheless. This power, often easily accessible in certain areas of our lives (where we’ve got the most control over situations), is usually extremely  difficult to grasp in other areas (where we feel uncentered and uncertain). For me, I struggled and still struggle with it as it relates to my spirituality and relationship with God. If you think that that may sound like you, I encourage you to keep reading.

As has been well documented in this blog, I’ve been in a constant state of pruning for months now. Recently, I have felt led to let go of things that have meant a lot to me, have (at least in my opinion) shaped me, have comforted me, and have been synonymous with who I define myself as. When I felt led, I immediately wanted to resist. Who wants to let go of the things they love the most? None of us, obviously!  But God kept pushing me, kept talking to me, and kept encouraging me to try it out. I sighed, realizing that He wasn’t going to back down. If I said I wanted to honor Him and love Him, even a pinch of how He loves and takes care of me, I could at least get serious and take a chance on Him with this new assignment.

So I started all at once. I gave up the music I loved listening to, removed the social media I mindlessly checked,  I began to go to Him as my first resource for all matters, and started becoming more diligent and intentional in my prayer and devotional time. Almost instantly, I felt uncomfortable and annoyed. I began to cry out in distress: “Do I really have to do ALL OF THIS?!” “So what am I supposed to do with myself now?” “How long are we going to keep this on for, Lord?” Basically, it wasn’t your girl’s finest moment. As the days went by however, I started to adapt. I began to find myself actually enjoying this new level of relationship with God. I stopped whining and focused in on this new journey. I began to feel a closer connection to God as the things that so easily distracted me and honestly, took God’s place, weren’t readily accessible to me anymore. I thought I was good. I thought I could do it. I had in the bag…until I didn’t.

It’s always in the moments when you let your guard down, like when everybody’s seatbelt is fastened and we’re ready to takeoff, that you get knocked back down and your feelings get hurt. I was on fire for about a week, then suddenly I wasn’t. I became restless once again. “What’s one song?!” “How LONG Lord?!” “I’m going to get my stuff back, right?” Instead of getting me back in line on His own, God left it up to me to decide. “Is that one song more important than Me?” “Didn’t I promise you that I would be with you until the very end?” “Don’t you believe that I know you and know what you need?” “Do you want to keep playing the same games or do you want to get serious about My will for your life?” God countered. I sighed then smiled in response. He was looking out for me (like always). He wanted me to put away the distractions so that I could see His truth. His ultimate goal was to get me prepared and focused to do all that He put me on this earth to do. Who was I to fight back against what He was doing to prosper me? It was then that the power of nevertheless took its form for real.

⁃ I’m tired Lord but nevertheless will I follow Your commands. (Psalm 119:112)
⁃ I feel like I’m missing out Lord but nevertheless will I trust that You have prepared the proper time for me to do everything assigned to me. (Ecclesiastes 8:6)
⁃ It hurts Lord but nevertheless will I believe that You take on every burden. (Matthew 11:28-30)

I urge you to operate in your own nevertheless power. It’s not fun AT ALL (heads up lol). However, knowing that You are in His will and that His plans are beyond what you can currently fathom is truly worth it. You won’t be alone either as you have a fellow friend (me!) who struggles through it to. Always remember, where God is leading us will be much better than the places and plans we’ve laid out for ourselves.

His will, His way, and His time, twentysomethings!