Progress Is Rarely Linear

Progress Is Rarely Linear

“For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” – Romans 7:20-25 NIV

Walking with Jesus can be really hard at times. While there are a lot of awesome things that come with a relationship with God, namely eternal life, freedom from the world’s grasp, and confidence in God’s love and commitment to you in all seasons, the journey is not a walk in the park. To become more like Christ requires correction, discipline, and sacrifice. The process of sanctification can be humbling. If you don’t have the right perspective of discipline and correction, your feelings can get hurt pretty quickly. For me, with my history as a perfectionist who magnified all my flaws and faults, being confronted with my sin often felt devastating. It was easy to feel like a failure and a fraud. It was hard to shake the feeling that perhaps I wasn’t as devoted to the Lord as I thought. But as I read Paul’s words in Romans 7, I was comforted by his honesty. The sinful nature that arose in me wasn’t out of my disregard for God and His law. It was, and still is, the default nature of the body I live in. Paul reminded me that despite my body doing the most, I’m not beyond deliverance, healing, and freedom through Jesus Christ our Lord. True transformation, however, requires humility, surrender, and a true desire to change. It requires God having the first and final say about who we are and all we do. It also requires us, especially in moments where our flesh has the momentary victory, to meditate on God and His commitment to us. In my life, when my flesh appears to have the upper hand, God often reminds me that He is my Father, who knows me and cares for me deeply (Psalm 139:13-16). He reminds me that, no matter what comes my way, He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). He reminds me of His faithfulness even when I’m faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). He reminds me that His grace and mercy are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). He reminds me that His lovingkindness abounds (Psalm 86:5). He reminds me that He is long suffering (Psalm 78:38). He reminds me that He desires to rescue His children (2 Timothy 4:18). He reminds me that, through Him, I have victory against any attack or temptation from the enemy (1 John 5:4-5). He reminds me, most importantly, that I’m but a human (Psalm 103:14). Only dust. And though I will do great things for and with Him, there will be moments, often many, where I mess up or choose wrong. My humanity is not surprising to God nor is it disqualifying. He reminds me that, in Him, I will make progress in sanctification, in faith, and in power; but, that progress is rarely linear. We may fall at times but how we get back up and run to Christ makes all the difference. One of the best examples of this is King David’s fall with Bathsheba.

“In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, ‘She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.’ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, ‘I am pregnant.'” – 2 Samuel 11:1-5 NIV

King David. The man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). The one who fought Goliath (1 Samuel 17:41-52). The one who was committed to obeying God despite his own will (1 Samuel 24:1-7). David is loved and honored by many in the Christian faith for living a devoted life to the Lord. He didn’t play with God or about God. And yet. At the time kings were supposed to go to war (where David most likely should have been), he was at home looking at a woman lustfully. Despite inquiring and finding out that Bathsheba was married, he called for her. Despite adultery being listed as a clear sin in God’s law (Exodus 20:14), David slept with her and got her pregnant. If you read on in the story, once David found out Bathsheba was pregnant, he called for her husband, Uriah, to come home. He attempted to hide his sin by getting Uriah to sleep with Bathsheba. Uriah, loyal to the king and his fellow army men, refused, ultimately foiling David’s plan. Frustrated, David sent Uriah back to war, ordered him to be put on the frontlines, and ensured his death (2 Samuel 11:6-27).

“The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, ‘There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.’ David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.’ Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’ This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’ Then David said to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’ Nathan replied, ‘The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.'” – 2 Samuel 12:1-14 NIV

If you read the end of 2 Samuel 11, you’ll find that there is no mention of David feeling bad or even convicted about the killing of Uriah. In fact, we only hear mention of Bathsheba’s mourning, which is no sooner followed by her becoming David’s new wife. 2 Samuel 12 begins with God sending a prophet, named Nathan, to confront David with his sin. At the realization of his grave sin and God’s perspective on it, David immediately sees himself and shows remorse. Nathan meets David’s remorse with reassurance. Nathan shares that David’s sin is already forgiven and removed by God. Despite this great mercy, David will still deal with some heavy consequences due to his disobedience and clear disrespect towards the Lord. Not only will the child Bathsheba bore to him die, but David, himself, will be plagued with violence and disruption in his own household (feel free to read the fulfillment of this prophecy in 2 Samuel 13 – 18).

Reading this more recently, I initially found David’s actions so bizarre. Like many, I felt like David was basically perfect. He was strong in his faith and truly loved God with his whole heart. While him committing adultery was problematic (obviously), his lack of remorse and almost obliviousness regarding his sin, prior to Nathan’s confrontation, really shocked me. I found his behavior so strange for someone who walked so closely with God. How could David love God the way he did and then do something so foolish? Moreover, how could he be so clueless about the extent of his actions? Though tempting to judge and find fault in David, especially when the behavior was so clearly wrong, I was quickly reminded by God that none of our walks with God are perfect. And because we are human, with a natural bent towards sin and selfishness, none of us are exempt from having a moment just like David. In fact, God humbled me when He reminded me that I, too, have been like David plenty of times in my journey with Him. No, I haven’t committed adultery. No, I haven’t committed murder. No, I didn’t skip out on war when I should have been out there. I have been, however, outside of God’s will, doing things I had no business doing. I have let temptations lead me astray. I have chosen pride and self-righteousness instead of humility and surrender when I wanted to feed my flesh. I have pushed God away to do my “own thing.” And like David, I, too, have been oblivious to how it upset or grieved God. While I was aware of my actions, as David clearly had to be, I thought it small or insignificant. I excused behavior because I was in a difficult season or needed relief. I thought it wasn’t that bad because God is gracious and would understand. Have you ever been there?

In God’s rebuke, we see David experience two things: mercy and discipline through consequences. We love mercy, don’t we? It’s such a blessing when God spares us from the bad things we deserve. But what about discipline? Do we thank God for the tough consequences we experience as a result of our actions? Though God spared David’s life, the consequences God laid out were thick. Loss of a child. Public shame. Familial disruption. Mess. Many of us view discipline in a negative light. We see it as punishment and God’s anger or frustration with us. Discipline can also make us feel bad. In our minds, discipline might signal failure and defeat. We may falsely believe that, because God disciplined us for something, we’ve now messed up too much and are no longer worthy of God’s love. But we’ve got discipline all wrong. God’s discipline is just another extension of His love for us. Though discipline may hurt, cause loss, or feel uncomfortable, the core of discipline is simply correction. Discipline tells us that the Father loves us too much to allow us to continue in unprofitable behavior. In David’s case, and ours too, consequences shine a light on our deep need for God and, if we let it, produce a renewed passion for progress.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” – Psalm 51:10-13 NIV

The heading to this famous psalm states that it was written by David after Nathan confronted him about his adultery with Bathsheba. After facing God’s rebuke, David asked for a pure heart and a renewed steadfast spirit. It’s clear that somewhere along David’s journey with God, he lost sight of his passion and commitment, even temporarily. David asked the Lord to restore what was lost and to help him get back on track with God. In the next verse, David then stressed his desire to be with God and in His presence at all times. He didn’t want to be left to himself. He wanted to walk with, be led by, and be restored by the Lord. David’s humility and dependence in this verse are beautiful and worth emulating in our own walks with God. We can’t live this life successfully apart from Him. After admitting his deep need for God’s presence, David then asked to be restored in the knowledge of the joy of God’s salvation and to be granted a willing spirit to live life according to the ways of the Lord. This particular verse really struck me. This verse shows that sometimes, in all our Christian living, we can forget, lose sight of, or find common the joy of God’s salvation. We can minimize the significance of God’s pursuit of us, Jesus’s death to save us, and the Holy Spirit’s commitment to lead and transform us. It’s an imperative to me, and I hope to you as well, to not think God common or get too comfortable in what you think you know as a Christian. Daily reverence, gratitude, humility, and awareness of God, and of self, are needed. The final verse shows that David’s experience isn’t something he planned to keep to himself. He committed to sharing his faults and shortcomings to warn others. And not just warn others, but show them of their deep need for the Lord so that they, too, could turn back to the God who loves, sustains, forgives, heals, and redeems (even when consequences are included). David, after this encounter with the prophet Nathan, had a renewed desire for God and for His progression under the submission of God. Though he had a significant setback, David was able to get back up and continue forward. The same can be true for us.

I felt led to share this story about David because I know, firsthand, that this walk with the Lord gets rough and tough at times. Whether we cause it ourselves or life just happens to us, we’ll have moments, even with a genuine passion for the Lord, where we’ll mess up and do something we shouldn’t have done. While I’m not condoning willful sin or brushing it all under the rug of grace, I do want to encourage you that God’s love doesn’t fail because you do (Romans 8:38-39). As you continue on this journey with Christ, whether as a new believer or someone trying to pursue a higher level with God, take courage in knowing that God isn’t surprised by you or your actions. He offers help, guidance, correction, and conviction. Never forget that He disciplines the ones He loves (Hebrews 12:6-8). Better a rebuke and a learned lesson than to be left in sin and ignorance. I pray that you’d be ever aware and ever dependent on the Lord as you walk this walk. I pray that you’d run to Him quickly when faced with temptation, difficulty, or exasperation. I pray that you’d remember that He doesn’t want your perfection and performance, but your presence and passion. I pray that you would finish strong. I pray that you’d cling to Him, trusting that He’ll take care of you like He promised. So go and pursue all that the Lord has set for you. Seek holiness. Seek righteousness. Seek justice. Seek Him.

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically ❤️.

P.S. This concludes the holiness series. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. 🙏🏾💕

 

Even In the Unknown

Even In the Unknown

How do you respond when God asks you to do something? Are you someone who meets His commands with quick obedience or are you someone who can confidently tell Him no? If I’m honest, for the vast majority of my walk with Christ, I was “no” leaning. On a good day, I met God’s commands with hesitancy and contemplation. On a regular day, I met His commands with a litany of reasons why I couldn’t do what He asked. While I knew, intellectually, that God was wise and that His instructions were profitable and protective, I didn’t actually believe it in my heart. I filtered every request and command from God through my feelings first. If I felt that the command was too hard for me to do in my own strength, my list of excuses to back out was ready. If I didn’t feel safe or sure, I didn’t move forward. In fact, it was only when I felt qualified enough to do something, had enough external encouragement from others, or clearly saw how an instruction could benefit me, that I obeyed. It really wasn’t obedience at all.

As we talked about last week, fear and self-perception can also be idols. When it came to walking in obedience, I often failed because I let the idol of my feelings have the final say. And while this went on for years (we thank God for His mercy, grace, and long-suffering), something shifted in me, within this last year, that caused me to no longer feel justified in my disobedience. As I got more familiar and more intentional with the Word of God, my idol suddenly came under attack. Could I still hide behind those fears and excuses when I now knew God was greater than any obstacle or opponent I faced? Could I still deny the Lord when I now truly knew how deeply He loves me? Could I still practice self-preservation when I now knew that only God could actually keep me safe? While I’m sure you already know the answer to these questions, I want to spend some time talking about how I got (and am still getting) there. I want to share more about the conviction I felt, the concerns I had, and the God who lovingly understood. I want to encourage and hopefully empower you on this walk of obedience because I know, firsthand, that it’s not always easy.

“‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.’ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” – Luke 22:42-44 NIV

Jesus is our ultimate example of living an obedient and submitted life. From putting on flesh to show us the way of His Father (Philippians 2:5-7) to sacrificing His body for the sins of the world (Isaiah 53:5), we constantly see Jesus operate from obedience. Of all the moments that showcase Jesus’s obedience and surrender, the moment that has always affected me most is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Deep in prayer and full of anguish, we see Jesus, awaiting the gruesome death planned for Him, plead with His Father for another way to bring forth salvation to His people. We see the Father express, even without words, that there is no other way. The crucifixion is the cup Jesus must drink. We see Jesus submit even though the outcome is not what He would have preferred. And from that moment forward, we never see Jesus ask the Father again. He is wholly obedient until His last breath.

When I reflect on this, I’m filled with immense gratitude. Jesus’s obedience literally saved my life. He put aside His fears, His will, and His comfort to ensure that all of us had a way to be made right with the Father. With us in mind, He gave up His life to ensure we could have one. There are no words to articulate how beautiful Jesus’s moment of obedience truly was. And yet, Jesus’s submission is also deeply convicting. God has never asked me to do what Jesus did. No matter how scary a command of God might have felt or how frustrating it was when asked to give up something I loved, I have never had to lay down my life for the entire world. God has never put the weight of all our sins on my back to carry. Though we are called to take up our cross (Matthew 16:24), I have not had to do so while also being whipped, mocked, and tortured like Jesus was. His sacrifice was beyond compare yet, for us, He agreed. If Jesus could follow through on something so great, so terrifying, and so consequential, why was I stuck on obedience at such a small level? I soon realized that Jesus was operating from a fundamental truth that would take some time for me to understand and wholeheartedly believe.

“If God is holy, then He can’t sin. If God can’t sin, then He can’t sin against you. If He can’t sin against you, shouldn’t that make Him the most trustworthy being there is?” – Jackie Hill Perry

Being, Himself, one with the Father, Jesus knew the character of His Father very well (John 10:30). He knew that His Father was righteous, just, and full of love. He knew His Father delighted in Him and would reward Him for all He had done while on earth. Jesus was rooted in the goodness of His Father despite all the difficulty He had to deal with. Unlike Jesus, with a background of performance, shame, and lacking biblical foundation, I wasn’t always super confident in God. Though the Bible may have had stories that shared His faithfulness, I didn’t always believe they were applicable to me. I wasn’t certain that God was truly safe or trustworthy. I wasn’t convinced that His instruction or command would lead to something positive. I operated in a lot of fear and self-reliance when it came to the Lord because I feared that God wouldn’t come through. I was afraid of trying and failing and reaping harsh consequences. I was afraid of experiencing His anger, disappointment, or even disgust. Unlike Jesus, I didn’t have joy set before me (Hebrews 12:2). I didn’t see how my obedience could be beneficial to others. I only focused on myself. I couldn’t see anything beyond hypothetical failure, mounting fear, and my inadequacies.

For a variety of reasons, ranging from original sin to difficult life circumstances, there appears to be a natural human bent towards not trusting God. Many of us, if not all, experience moments where we’re just not sure if God is as good as He says or if He’ll actually do what He promises. Sometimes we’re not sure if obedience is worth it. We’re not always sure if God, Himself, is worth it. The above quote, however, forces us to really consider the God who calls us to obedience. This quote highlights the fundamental truth that I believe Jesus knew to be true when He prayed in that garden: God is holy. As we recall, God calls us to be holy because He is holy (Leviticus 20:26). And if He’s holy, we must then know, and come to believe, that God’s holiness makes Him perfect. God’s holiness doesn’t give Him the ability to sin. God’s holiness doesn’t give Him the ability to lie. God’s holiness doesn’t give Him the ability to act deceitfully or with malice towards His own. This God, our God, holy and pure, is the One who requires our obedience. It is this God, our God, who calls us to do something beyond our natural ability because it’s an opportunity to see His hand and love, through the Holy Spirit, at work. It is this God, our God, who calls us to lay down that sin or idol because it’s an opportunity to find true fulfillment, joy, and healing in His presence. It is this God, our God, that calls for forgiveness because it’s an opportunity for freedom and healing. It is this God, our God.

When I think about Jesus submitting to His Father and accepting the cup of death, I see that He clearly knew all would be right in the end. Though Jesus would have to deal with hard and horrible circumstances that we can’t even begin to fully understand or grasp, He knew victory from sin and death was right around the corner. He knew that the restored relationship between Creator and creation was right around the corner. He knew that His status as King, sitting at the right hand of the Father, was right around the corner. And while that’s wonderful for Jesus, many of us, myself included, don’t always have that same assurance right away. When God tells us to put ourselves out there, we often don’t know how others will receive us. When God tells us to give up something that brought us joy and happiness, we often don’t know whether God can really fill that void. When God calls us to bear our cross, we often don’t know whether we’ll be able to stand under the weight. And, in truth, those feelings of uncertainty are the absolute worst. Obedience can be really difficult, scary, and uncomfortable. I do not want to minimize or ignore that. And I don’t believe God wants to disregard that either. He knows that we are flesh. He knows all about the weaknesses, fears, concerns, and wounds that make us question Him (Psalm 139: 1-16). He’s not going to beat you up for that. He operates in patience and bestows wisdom, encouragement, and power to help you through it. I’m a witness. But, it’s on us to want to believe He is who He says He is. If we desire to know Him more fully, He will be made known to us (Luke 11:9-13).

For all that’s unknown, there’s one thing we know for sure–we belong to Him. And if we belong to Him, He will take care of us (Isaiah 46:4). He will be faithful to keep us and present us as faultless (Jude 1:24-25). He will be present with us no matter the circumstance (Joshua 1:9). So, with every call for obedience, I encourage you to think on these things. Think on His holiness. Think on His inability to sin against you. Think on His role and responsibility as your Father. Think on His promise to be with you wherever you go. Even in the midst of fear, discomfort, and difficulty, we can still trust our lives and our surrender to the God who is holy, pure, good, and committed to us. Give Him your yes…even in the unknown. He will take care of you.

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically ❤️

Trust God With Everything

Trust God With Everything

“And God spoke all these words: ‘I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.'” – Exodus‬ ‭20‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Many of us, whether we’ve grown up in the Christian faith or not, have heard of the Ten Commandments. Of the ten, the commandment related to idolatry always stood out to me because it felt very “Bible days” specific. It didn’t feel relevant to me. I had no crafted image in my home nor was I laid prostrate on the floor praying to some golden image at an altar. I was chilling. I went to church. I confessed Jesus. I couldn’t have idols in my life. And like me, I’d venture to say many of you probably feel the same. That feeling, however, is often deceitful. Idolatry is still present in many of our lives because it doesn’t look how we expect it to. While we expect some crafted image, idols can often be the family we have, the material things we love, and the feelings we possess. Many of us, me included, unfortunately operate in idolatry often. We put our various affections above God, be it our relationships, finances, or even fears/self-perceptions, and let it have the final say. Our yielding and obedience, then, follow the way of the idol. If not confronted by God, in His mercy, to address and remove the idol, we risk living lives less than God’s standard. We risk limiting or even completely missing the power, victory, and freedom that God ultimately wants to give us.

“Ignorant are those who carry about idols of wood, who pray to gods that cannot save.” – Isaiah 45:20b NIV

For me, idolatry started pretty early. Growing up, a certain celebrity (if you know you know lol) was my idol. I knew everything about her. I studied every move. I spent my money (or my parents’ money) on things she was a part of. I looked to her as the ideal of beauty and success. Whatever she said was Bible as far as I was concerned. As an adolescent, I didn’t really understand or see the severity of the issue. Being a big fan was fun. It was exciting. It was fulfilling and fruitful. It made me happy. It produced, in my mind, good things. When I got to college however, I felt my first bout of conviction. In God’s mercy, He made me question this idol’s role in my life. Why did I need this person to feel happy or excited about life? Why did I critique myself because I didn’t look like her or have her talent? Why did I know everything about her but didn’t know much about myself? Why could I spend all my time engulfed in her world but couldn’t give myself, let alone God, that same effort? The red flags multiplied to a point that I realized I needed to back away. But with over ten years wrapped up in that idol, during that time, the transition was not smooth. I went back and forth for a long time. I grieved. Despite the instruction not to, I still found myself listening to and watching that idol’s work. I was sad. It felt unfair. The process of tearing down the idol was messy, but I eventually got there. And though letting go of that particular idol was successful, it wasn’t long before I picked up another one.

The cycle of dropping and picking up idols has followed me up until present day. It was just three weeks ago that God confronted me about another celebrity I admired. And within this past year, more generally, God has highlighted social media distraction as another preferred idol of mine. For me, it’s not necessarily that these celebrities are bad or that wanting to scroll on social media is inherently sinful; rather, it speaks to the larger issue that God wanted to address: escapism. In my life, I’ve used idols to run away from myself. I’ve gotten engulfed in other people’s worlds because I wasn’t content in my own. It was easier to root for the success of my “faves” than it was to do the hard work to find my own success and satisfaction. God made clear to me that I chose to busy myself in other things or with other people because I didn’t trust Him to handle me or help me through my struggles with discontentment. I felt more comfortable running away than sitting with Him. I was looking to those idols to save me from myself, and it wasn’t working. And while I recognize that many of you aren’t dealing with celebrity fandom or mindless scrolling as your idols of choice, the issue still affects many of us. What are the things you consume yourself with because they make you feel good, give you power or worth, or even provide the comfort your heart really needs? Have any of those things taken the place of God in your life? Do you think God is even able to meet those needs for you? Do you even want Him to? Honesty is key here. I had to be honest and admit that I didn’t think God could fix the problems I had. I had to be honest and say that I loved spending time with those idols more than I did spending time with Him. God’s confrontation was an invitation to see myself and my need for Him. God’s confrontation provided an opportunity for God to show me who He is and who He has always been.

“The holiest people are people that just trust God with everything.”1 – Jackie Hill Perry

Since committing to reading the entire Bible in a year, which I started this January, God has intentionally highlighted His trustworthiness to me. At the same time, He’s pinpointed the areas where I lack belief and trust in Him despite the Bible I know. Last year, I wrote about fighting the devil’s facts with God’s truth. I’ve realized that it’s not just about fighting against what the devil has said about me, but it’s also what he’s said about God. As discussed in my last post, I’ve battled with performance and perfectionism since what feels like the beginning of time. It was from these places that I crafted my view of God. Like parents, like teachers, and like friends, I believed that God was pleased when all was well and annoyed or disappointed when I fell short. Why would God want to deal with me? How could He even help me? I felt beyond repair, beyond love. The sadness was high, the shame was high. Of course it seemed better to go somewhere else and trust something else. But as I read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and onward, one theme was consistent — God’s goodness. The Israelites failed and God stayed committed to them. The Israelites turned away from God and God called them back home. The Israelites sinned and God provided atonement. The Israelites lost hope and God comforted them. As I saw these examples reinforced over and over again, something shifted. If I could identify with the ratchetness of the Israelites, then I could receive the love, help, and comfort that God gave them too. If God met their needs and fulfilled His promises to them, then I could believe He’d do it for me too. If the Israelites trusted God with their lives (even if they struggled along the way), so could I (struggle and all). 

Idolatry is such an important topic to me because it really has the power to destroy you if you let it. With its seemingly harmless nature, it easily slides into your life, your thinking, and your heart. It allures you with quick fixes, power, acceptance, love, and comfort. It tells you that it’s safe and worthy of your trust. It plants seeds of doubt towards God. It causes you to think the ways of the world aren’t really that bad. It causes you to falsely assume that you know and can handle it all. And even if you can’t, it tells you that God can’t do a better job. It’s a liar and a fraud. Unfortunately, I was deceived for years. I gave my youth to an idol that didn’t actually help me. I left her more broken and lost than when I found her. I’ve given so much of my time to the idol of distraction with nothing to show for it. Though idolatry might have affected me in ways that you may not relate to, at the core, no matter what your idols may be, idolatry gives you a false and unfulfilling substitute for God. That bank account you set your focus on can be wiped out with a few emergencies. That relationship you chase can’t heal the heart wounds you’re running away from. That job you give all your energy to can still fire you at the drop of a hat. Those kids you pour your entire being into will one day grow up and move out of the house. The idol can’t love you, sustain you, free you, care for you, or save you. Only God can do that.

The process of completely removing idols has been difficult for me. Idols have always felt comforting and numbing for me. They also often work a lot quicker than God seems to (though their “benefits” are short lived). Believe me when I tell you that I understand your hesitancy to drop that “thing” for God. In the thick of hardship and pain, the last thing you want to do is pray to God and wonder if He hears you or even cares. The last thing you want to do is stop entertaining that person that makes you escape from the depression you’re in, if only for a few moments. The last thing you want to do is give up that leadership position or that status at your organization when it was the thing that made you feel purposeful and worth something in this life. I understand. And yet, I really want to challenge you to try God out. I want to challenge you to run to Him first. In moments of temptation, sadness, or cries for comfort, I want you to talk to God first. Let out your frustration to Him before you vent to a friend or binge that TV series to escape your reality. I challenge you to find a Bible passage to read for a few minutes to focus your mind on something higher. I challenge you to give God a chance. I want you to leave space for Him to answer you, show you that He can handle your situation, and reaffirm how deep His love is for you. And maybe it won’t “work” the first time. There have been plenty of times I’ve gone to God, didn’t feel anything after, and watched hours of YouTube instead to numb my emotions. I get it. But I implore you to keep seeking Him. Continue to be open and expectant. Find scripture about what God did or promised and call Him out on it. Ask to experience the fulfillment of His Word in your life. He will show you. He will reveal Himself. He will bring that comfort and support. He will give peace even if the situation you’re in doesn’t change all at once. He will do what He said. I know this because the Word says He doesn’t lie nor does His Word return to Him void (Numbers 23:19). I know this because He’s done it for me.

My final ask is that you’ll watch the video I’ve linked below from Jackie Hill Perry on this topic. I encourage you to take inventory of the idols in your life, get to the heart of the issue, find scripture that addresses those deep needs, and go to God with His Word. I pray that you’ll give Him a chance to show Himself strong in this area of your life. I pray that you’ll be gracious with yourself in this process. It’s hard out here but you’re not alone. I’m here with you, and most importantly, God is here with you. He’ll never leave nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically. ❤️

1 https://youtu.be/3jk_WwdZhO0?si=NwE2PRkK9C4D_BDK

I Am Well Pleased

I Am Well Pleased

I’ve battled with self-acceptance for as long as I can remember.  Since a child, I remember always having a problem with myself. I remember being ridiculed for being too chubby and too soft (not tough or strong). For being too shy. For being too studious and serious. As an adult, though I received less outward criticism, I mastered the art of criticizing myself. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t cool or interesting enough. I wasn’t assertive enough. I wasn’t confident enough in my decision making. And on and on it went. From childhood to present day, I felt like there was always some issue or problem that needed to be fixed. I wasn’t liked enough as is. I wasn’t chosen as is. I wasn’t happy as is. I wasn’t good enough as is.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” – Genesis 1:27,31 NIV

In Genesis 1, on the sixth day, God created man. Man was, and still is, made in the image of God. Like God, man is creative, capable of giving and receiving love, holds authority and dominion, and brings forth life. Man was created just a little lower than the angels and held up as valuable in the Lord’s eyes (Hebrews 2:7-8). God’s own breath was breathed into the nostrils of man, and he became a living being. Before man ever displayed the characteristics of God or completed work for the Lord, on that sixth day, God called man good.

To be called good by God is the foundation of acceptance. God fashioned Adam and didn’t feel the need to give the man any alterations. Nothing was wrong with his body or his personality. Nothing was wrong with his intelligence or his relationship with God. He was perfect. In fact, not once in Genesis 1 or 2 do we see Adam have issue with himself. He was in communion with God and content with the work set before him. He never questioned himself, or God, and never seemed to show displeasure with himself or his circumstances. It wasn’t until God made mention that Adam needed a helper that anything being “not good” ever surfaced (Genesis 2:18). And even then, Adam was not made aware of it. The addition of Eve, in Genesis 2, had nothing to do with a flaw in Adam. Eve entered the garden, with perfect crafting, to enhance the purpose and power of man on the earth. She aided in the fulfillment of those characteristics God gave us. Her introduction only reaffirmed the truth: man was good. It was from that foundation of acceptance that both Adam and Eve could live at their greatest potential. They were perfect for each other and perfect for God. They were content and they had rest. It was holiness.

Unlike Adam and Eve, I wasn’t rooted in God’s acceptance of me. I didn’t grow up aware of or even seeking God’s perspective. Faced with internal and external criticism, I dealt with my self-acceptance issues through performance and people pleasing. Not knowing God declared me good, I looked to everyone else to accept and affirm me. My confidence and sense of wholeness was based entirely around someone else’s opinion of me. As a result, I often shape shifted to please other people’s preferences or stressed myself out to perform at my very best level. I took on likes and interests that I probably, on my own, would not have taken on. I tried to fit a certain look to be cool or capture attention that I might not have gravitated to otherwise. I stressed so hard over my academics because it was there that I got the most applause and celebration. I worked for acceptance instead of working from acceptance. I fought to be what everyone wanted and ended up still missing the mark. I tired myself out and had nothing to show for it. I wasn’t content. I wasn’t at rest. I still wasn’t good enough.

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'” – Matthew‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Like Adam, Jesus operated from the foundation of the Father’s acceptance. Though God Himself, Jesus humbled Himself and took on lowly flesh to dwell among us. Having flesh like us, it’s possible that Jesus could have had the temptation to look elsewhere for validation and approval. But before Jesus ever performed one miracle or announced that He was the Messiah, His Father let everyone know that Jesus brought Him immense pleasure. Operating from this foundation of acceptance, Jesus was never swayed by public opinion or ridicule. Many times, in the Gospels, we see Jesus unphased by the opinions of the world. He had no problem confronting the Pharisees about their hypocrisy, without fear of their rebuke or punishment (Matthew 23:13-39). He let lies about His character roll off His shoulders because He knew exactly who He was (Matthew 11:18-19). He had no problem teaching and affirming God’s way, instead of the way of the flesh, even when it wasn’t popular or easily digestible by His followers (Matthew 18:21-35). Even as He was nailed to the cross, He still knew His place as Son (Luke 23:35-46).

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” – Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭14‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Like Adam and Jesus, we, too, have been deeply affirmed by the Father. Before we even accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, God loved us and made a way to restore relationship with Him through the death of Jesus (John 3:16-17). To be an image bearer, which we all are, is enough for His love. But when we accept Christ, we become children of God. As children, not only are we loved, but we are adopted and chosen as His own. With adoption comes right standing with God. With adoption comes eternal life. With adoption comes inheritance of victory, power, and eternal reward. This is the foundation of acceptance and love we have to stand on. It is from this foundation that we must learn to fight back against criticism (self-inflicted or otherwise) and poor self-esteem. While it is easy to see our flaws and feel unworthy of love, God has already made His position towards us clear. When the devil tells you how bad you are, you can hold up your status as a child of God. When people criticize your looks, personality, or gifts, you can counter with the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-18).

A few months ago, I listened to a sermon by Pastor Stephanie Ike-Okafor (highly recommend!) on the call to holiness. She shared many gems, but there was one in particular that stood out to me — “Holiness is wholeness.” She described wholeness as full dependence on God. Our worth, satisfaction, pleasure, and will belong to and are rooted in God. Self-acceptance in light of God’s deep pleasure in us, then, is holiness. And while that sounds great, and it IS great, if you’re anything like me, with the history that I have, the work of self-acceptance can feel almost impossible. To see yourself as valuable to God when you’ve not been told that in the natural feels unrealistic. To love yourself, knowing all the flaws and faults you genuinely possess, sounds ridiculous. And yet, for all that we are, God called us good. He meets our warped self-image, our very real issues, and unhealed trauma with grace, mercy, empathy, forgiveness, love, and acceptance. And sure, there might be some reconstruction that has to take place. Perhaps you do need to take better care of your temple or work on that attitude you have, but, in God’s eyes, still, you are good.

If you at all battle with this, I implore you to pray intentionally for God’s help. Ask Him to help you to accept His unconditional love. Ask Him to give you the strength to fight back, with His Word and truth, against condemnation and shame. Ask Him to help you see yourself and love yourself the way He does. Ask Him to bring godly community into your life to encourage you and speak life over you. Ask Him to help you find a therapist to process your trauma with, if needed. Ask Him to help you believe Him when your flesh wants to write Him off. Ask Him. Loving ourselves, because God first loved us, is crucial to us living a life marked by holiness. It provides the foundation from which we jump out and shine our light into this world. Today’s world so desperately needs our light. We can’t afford to have minds tainted with the lies of culture (Ephesians 4:23-24). We can’t afford to sit in poor self-esteem when people need to see God’s glory through the good things God called us to do (1 Peter 2:12). We can’t afford to submit to man’s limitations for us when God has things in mind that we can’t even fathom (Ephesians 3:20-21). It’s important, then, that we stay committed to the process of self-acceptance, no matter how many ups and downs we experience along the way. The more we reflect on what God has said about us, the stronger the resolve to believe it will be. We are loved, valued, and worthy in God. God, quite literally, can’t love us more than He already does. It is from that foundation that we must show up in this world. Go forth boldly.

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically. ❤️

Authentically Holy

Authentically Holy

I’ve recently entered a season with God where He’s calling me higher. There was once a time when I could easily default to excuses or brush off conviction; that time has since passed. No longer can I stay comfortable with choosing comfort. God is requiring real effort and commitment. He’s calling me to make deliberate decisions of surrender. He’s challenging me to face myself and the strongholds I’ve let rule my life. He’s bringing forth a new thing. A better thing. A true thing. A holy thing. 

“Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine.” – Leviticus 20:26 NASB

A few months ago, one of my dearest friends (hey twin!) and I started talking about holiness. It felt like the topic was everywhere. From sermons preached at church to YouTube videos from our favorite Bible teachers, the term kept coming up. At the same time, I started reading through the Old Testament and saw holiness discussed in what felt like every chapter of the story of Israel’s exodus from Egypt. The shedding of idols. The obedience to laws for food, sacrifice, and offerings. Circumcision. Observing special days and festivals. God wanted the Israelites to be set apart from the surrounding nations. He wanted them to match His standard. He wanted them protected from the world and its deceit. He wanted them to represent Him. He wanted holiness.

If you know anything about the Israelites’ story in the Old Testament (and if you don’t, here’s a crash course!), you know they were hardheaded. Stiffnecked, as God called them (Exodus 32:9). Though some stayed the course and remained devout and committed to God, the vast majority followed their flesh and allowed it to lead them right back into the mess that God delivered them from. Though the Israelites had great moments of faith, obedience, and reverence for God, they often struggled in their day-to-day behaviors. Despite seeing the power and magnificence of God in their lives, from the parting of the Red Sea to winning wars against nations larger and stronger than them, God often got pushed aside. He got replaced, in their hearts, with the world. With other gods/physical idols. With success. With power. With money. With sex. With pride. Those idols (whether physical or not) were exactly what God warned them against. He told them to flee from and even kill those who enticed them towards idolatry. He knew the world would turn the Israelites upside down, causing them to be distracted and deceived by things that were ultimately unprofitable for their lives. He wanted them to live free and be blessed in the land He would give them. He wanted them to be holy (Deuteronomy 13). And it is the same today. With us. With me. It’s time that I grab hold of the goodness and true freedom God has for me. To see the growth, power, and confidence in Christ that He promised me. I can’t afford to be bogged down with things that are less than God’s best. I hope you feel the same.

So, this blog is the start of what I hope to be a short series on holiness. My desire for this series is to let honesty and vulnerability lead. I hope to be as transparent as possible about this lifestyle of holiness and the ways in which I’m succeeding and struggling at it. I want to be (and encourage you to be) authentic. This series isn’t about us being on our best behavior or impressing God with our purity. It’s about trusting God to be our Lord and believing that He has the best for us. It’s about God leading us in the continual discovery of self and authentically living out who He has made us to be. This series is about the assurance that we can do all things, even the hard things, through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically. ❤️

The Great Investor

The Great Investor

“If you aren’t thinking about owning a stock for ten years, don’t even think about owning it for ten minutes.” – Warren Buffett

As twenty-somethings and beyond, most of us are aware of and even participate in investing. As a way to prepare for retirement or provide the beginnings or continuation of generational wealth within our families, investing is an option available to change the trajectory of our financial lives. Though the ins and outs of investing can sometimes be challenging to grasp or even pursue, the overall goal is simple: put your resources into something of value and reap the benefits of that investment at a later stage of maturity and/or increase. As many of us know, unfortunately, investing never really seems that easy or promising in practice. From stock market crashes to systematic hurdles that make investing, of any kind, difficult for many, we are not unfamiliar with the risks and potentially damaging losses we may encounter in the world of investing. With such uncertainty, it’s not surprising that people often abandon ship at the mere threat of failure. Knowing this, I was pleasantly surprised to find a quote by Warren Buffett that encouraged the opposite.

According to Buffett, one of the world’s most highly regarded billionaires, long term investing, even with the possibility of slower growth and/or seasons of volatility, is the true key to success. Those whom are patient and hold steady to their investments tend to fare better overtime than those who are actively buying and selling shares to minimize loss or maximize profits1. In fact, though research shows that stock values fluctuate in value year to year, the average stock market return (increase) for ten years is 9.2%2. For those interested in investing, does this full picture perspective help ease concerns regarding seasons of stagnancy and loss? Does this help you to buy and hold, even in potentially tumultuous times? If so, you’re in good company.

“‘Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.””
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭4:10-17‬ ‭NIV
‬‬

God calling Moses to lead His children out of Egypt reminds me, powerfully, of Buffett’s quote. Moses, the man who parted the Red Sea and led the Israelites out of Egypt by the power of God (Exodus 14), was also the man who couldn’t see pass his faults and fears. Moses, the one who brought down the Ten Commandments and shined so brightly with God’s glory that he had to wear a veil when around the Israelites (Exodus 34), was also the man who needed someone to speak for him because he couldn’t trust God enough to give him the ability. While Moses saw himself as unworthy and unequipped for this task, God saw the full picture. God knew the powerful things Moses would do, in His name, and continued to hold onto Moses even when Moses disqualified himself. If not for God’s wisdom, grace, and patience, characteristics of great investors, the plan to rescue the Israelites through Moses could have fallen apart.

But why? Why would God hold onto Moses instead of finding someone else more capable and willing? The answer, I believe, lies in a foundational practice of great investors: research. Any wise investor knows that it is important to do your homework on a company prior to actually investing in it. You must study its history, review its trends, see if its values align with yours, etc. As The Great Investor, God did His homework concerning Moses and knew He was best for the assignment. Before he was even born, God knew the life Moses would live (Exodus 2). God knew the threat on Moses’ life when he was an infant. He knew the juxtaposition of Moses’ Hebrew lineage and his Egyptian upbringing. He knew Moses’ feelings of helplessness and disappointment as he tried to help his fellow Hebrews and failed miserably. God knew that, on his own, Moses could not accomplish God’s will. God knew much more than that however. God knew that the heart of Moses, reverent and obedient, would be key in bringing and implementing God’s laws to His people. He knew that Moses’ unique ability to function in both worlds would be the key to delivering the Israelites out of Egypt and fulfilling the promise He gave to Abraham hundreds of years prior (Genesis 12). For all that Moses did or didn’t do right, God knew that Moses’ character and life experiences would be instrumental not only in the rescue of the Israelites but in God’s glory being displayed on the earth. God couldn’t let Moses’ limited view of himself, no matter how true it may have felt at that time, cause a disruption in God’s larger purpose.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

As with Moses, God has studied you too. God knows you, intimately, because He created you in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Before you were even born, He knew you and called you for His purpose (Jeremiah 1:5). Factoring in every detail of your upbringing, fears, traumas, and self-perception, He is not blind to who you are and the hang ups you may have. Even still, He chooses you, wants you, and sees you as valuable. He sees you as worthy of the investment even when you can’t see it for yourself. Like Moses, unfortunately, these truths don’t always feel convincing. When you’ve seen yourself as stagnant, of minimal value, or even as a failure for so long, it’s hard to trust God’s narrative. I get that. I feel that. The process of unlearning and relearning who you really are will take time. Thankfully, as with Moses, God will provide you with resources to help you along the way.

When Moses continued to harp on his inabilities, God provided him with two things: Aaron and Moses’ staff. Aaron, Moses’ brother, was given the task of speaking to the people, as God commanded, until Moses had the confidence to speak on his own. Aaron stood in the gap to support Moses and show him how to walk in his own power. Are there any Aarons in your life currently? While your Aaron could be family, friends, mentors, or even therapists, I don’t want you to rule out the support of the Bible as well. Full of God’s promises and affirmations, let God’s confidence and love for you hold your hand as you work to believe it for yourself. Let the fact that God already sees you as perfect in Christ (Hebrews 10:14) provide rest from your perfectionist distress. Let His assurance that nothing you do or have done can separate you from His unyielding love (Romans 8:38-39) cause you to love yourself a little more each day. Let God’s overwhelming joy to have you back home after you’ve strayed away (Luke 15:20-24) give you a growing confidence to partner with God despite your past.

God also told Moses to use his staff to perform miracles that displayed God’s power. What’s already in your hand? What experiences, talents, dreams, or resources do you already have that could be used by God? This is not a time to compare yourself to the next person but to look within and recognize what about you provides the perfect vessel for God to accomplish His plan. It can be as small as an occasional hobby or something larger such as a testimony that has the ability to help someone else break free from their own bondage. Whatever it is, I ask you to commit it to God and watch Him use it in a miraculous way. My hope is that you will rest in knowing that when God calls you, He will commit to you. He is a long term investor. The Great Investor. Though the promise may be slow or even tumultuous at times, He promises to complete His work in and through you up until the final day. This is a promise God will certainly keep (Isaiah 55:11).

“When money realizes that it is in good hands, it wants to stay and multiply in those hands.” – Idowu Koyenikan

My plea is simple: don’t continue to fall victim to the lies that tell you there’s no redemption, healing, power, purpose, or worth left in you. The devil wants nothing more than for you to push away from Christ and succumb to a life less than your true calling. Everything about your story is powerful and purposeful, even if you can’t see it yet. God didn’t create you to walk through life broken and stagnant. He created you to mirror Him on the earth and to show His glory in your everyday life (1 Corinthians 10:31). I challenge you to let Him invest in you. Let Him use you, heal you, build you, and transform you. The sooner you accept His love and surrender to His work, the sooner you will begin to see your life as God does: purposeful, glorifying, and victory-filled. That’s God’s promise. That’s the glorious return on His investment. I can’t wait to see who you become.

We go from glory to glory3, twentysomethings ❤️

1 https://www.moolanomy.com/6344/buy-and-hold-advantages/

2 https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/average-stock-market-return

3 2 Corinthians 3:18

Relentless

Relentless

Relentless – Continuing in a determined way without any interruption (Cambridge Dictionary)

When I think about this year, relentless is the first word that comes to mind. Take a moment and reflect on it. Has not the year of 2020 continued in a determined way without any interruption? Has it not continued in delays, in disappointments, and in death? Has it not continued in hatred, in greed, and in injustice? Has it not continued in tears, in isolation, and in frustration? It has continued. Incessant. Firm. Unyielding. How has it been going for you? Regardless of whether you’ve barely been touched or you’ve been deeply hurt and broken by the events of this year, none of us can say we haven’t been challenged in some way. Our lifestyles have been abruptly changed. Our trust in systems have been questioned. Our family dynamics have been strained. Our mental, physical, and spiritual health have been tried. The year of 2020 has been relentless. There has been no escape.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

So what’s the point? Why did 2020 hit us so hard? While I won’t pretend to definitively answer a question only God could with certainty, I do realize that some of God’s best work in us comes through adversity. Think back on some of 2020’s toughest moments thus far. Take Kobe Bryant’s death for instance. His death, for many of us, was extremely heartbreaking and difficult to accept. As the intimate stories about his life and the impact he had on and off the court took center stage, many of us began to reflect on our own lives. Were we living lives of purpose or were we simply settling for good enough? For some of us, his death lit a God ignited fire within us. No longer content with wasting time, our priorities shifted to doing things in this world that would last and have God given impact. What about this current pandemic? Have you done any soul searching and self evaluation with all this time to yourself in isolation? Has the constant reminder of death made you confront your false sense of immortality and seek a real relationship with Jesus before it’s too late? What about the high levels of unemployment and volatility in the stock market? What did that mean for your bank account and your ideas of stability and prosperity? Did being stuck with your kids 24/7 develop patience in you? If not yet patience (I know y’all are tired!), at least a new level of empathy and appreciation for those who care and teach them everyday? Let’s not forget the racial injustices we’ve witnessed this year. Did seeing someone die unjustly ignite your fight for justice and truth? Did you have to learn what it really meant to love and pray for those who persecute you? (Matthew 5:44) This could go on and on. My point, however, is simple. The relentlessness of 2020 gave us the opportunity to address and heal things within us that otherwise may have gone unchecked. For all the pain that this year has provided, the beauty of gratitude, grace, and growth has still been ever present. Count it all joy.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” – John‬ ‭3:16-17‬ ‭

God also comes to mind when I think of the word relentless. When we think about who God is and what He has done for us, it’s clear that His love has always continued in a determined way. It has never failed to save, protect, discipline, build, renew, and heal us. It has never failed to forgive, to grant mercy, to be long-suffering, and to stretch us for His glory and our growth. Even when we have ignored or rejected His love for us, that same love has still remained ever present, ever enduring, and ever willing. Can you pinpoint His relentless love for you even in the midst of this relentless storm of life?

Max Lucado, a Christian author, once said “God loves you just the way you are, but refuses to leave you that way.” While that statement is evident in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ, as shown in this scripture, it’s no less clear in the year 2020. God is after our hearts and our affections. He wants us to be dependent on Him. He wants us to be humble and obedient in all that He calls us to do. He wants us to have a heart of gratitude. He wants us to be a giver. He wants us to be like Christ, in words and in actions. Let this season of pruning and refining finish its work. Let this year of relentlessness birth in you all that you are meant to be, for Christ, for yourself, and for each other.

“For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.” – Psalms‬ ‭66:10-12

This pain isn’t in vain, twentysomethings ❤️

Still.

Still.

Have you ever been over yourself? Tired of bad habits. Tired of failing. Tired of doubting. Tired of falling for the same lies. Tired of telling the same lies. Tired of starting and stopping. Tired of sinning and apologizing. Just tired. If you have, what did you do about it? Did you sulk? Did you avoid? Did you hide? If you’re anything like me, you probably had the inclination to feel unworthy. That feeling of unworthiness always led me to stay stuck in sin. If I wasn’t worthy of God’s righteousness, I might as well accept my fate and stay in this box of less than. Can you relate? It took some time, years even, before I realized that the exhaustion I felt was not a death sentence. That exhaustion, instead, was His invitation to see how much I mattered to Him.

““But our ancestors were proud and stubborn, and they paid no attention to your commands. They refused to obey and did not remember the miracles you had done for them. Instead, they became stubborn and appointed a leader to take them back to their slavery in Egypt. But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love. You did not abandon them, even when they made an idol shaped like a calf and said, ‘This is your god who brought you out of Egypt!’ They committed terrible blasphemies. “But in your great mercy you did not abandon them to die in the wilderness. The pillar of cloud still led them forward by day, and the pillar of fire showed them the way through the night. You sent your good Spirit to instruct them, and you did not stop giving them manna from heaven or water for their thirst. For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out, and their feet did not swell!” – Nehemiah‬ ‭9:16-21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Many of us struggle with who God is and how He functions. We often think He’s either the most kind or the most unjust, depending on what side of the fence we happen to be on at any given time. That polarization, however, often negates the core of who He is: love. It is His love that convicts and challenges as well as encourages and preserves. It is His love that exalts us as well as humbles us. It is His love that sees our sin, blatant and unrestricted, and still pursues us. Still protects us. Still guides us. Still loves us. As I read Nehemiah, I felt myself get emotional. Like the Israelites, I could pinpoint the various times I chose an idol over God. I could see the times I took His blessings and favor for granted. I could see my attitude and stubbornness. I could also pinpoint God’s hand. I could recall the times God made sure I was taken care of and protected even when I didn’t appreciate it. I could see that even in my failings, He still wanted me.

It was a God given sensitivity to His kindness that brought about a conviction that led to repentance. How could I continually turn from someone who so desperately wanted me to be His? Though I was a nobody, to Him, I meant everything. It was that realization that grew a desire in me to take Him more seriously. I wanted to be as committed to Him as He was to me. Does any of this sound like you? Are you someone who feels like you’ve fallen too far to even be worthy of God’s kindness? If so, don’t worry. None of us are worthy. Thankfully, because of our belief in Jesus and the gift He gave to all of us, we all have another chance to press in and let Him have our hearts, desires, and lives. Don’t miss the opportunity to witness the depth of His love. Don’t forfeit the chance to see His transformative power in your life.  He’s willing. Will you respond to His pursuit? 

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9 NIV

If you’ve lost your step with God or you’re battling with sins and habits that feel too hard to break, my prayer is that you’ll begin to see yourself the way God sees you. Especially in this Christmas season, where we focus on the birth and purpose of Jesus, my heart wants so badly for you to see how deeply loved you are, even in your messiness. You have a purposeful and prosperous life ahead of you. Know, however, that you can’t live the fullness of that life hiding and shrinking away from God. He sees you. He knows you. He wants you. Return to Him, just as you are, and let Him make you new (Psalm 51: 10-12) .

He loves you STILL, twentysomethings ❤️

For David’s Sake

For David’s Sake

“He committed all the sins his father had done before him; his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his forefather had been. Nevertheless, for David’s sake the Lord his God gave him a lamp in Jerusalem by raising up a son to succeed him and by making Jerusalem strong.”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭15:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Many of you may be familiar with the concept and/or reality of a praying grandmother. If not, praying grandmas (or any person who prays intently about you) are those who consistently and passionately plead the blood of Christ over you and your loved ones. Their earnest prayers, over the years, have often saved many of us from various crises and heartaches, whether we realized it or not. What a privilege to be cared for in such a way that even while you and I were far from God, God still kept us for their sake. The realization of that privilege was brought to my attention quite recently while reading about many of the kings in the Old Testament of the Bible. While there were a few good kings here and there, who ruled with justice and reverence for God, the vast majority of them were terrible. They were greedy, self seeking, disregarding, power hungry, and unjust. Despite their disobedience and pride, God would often repeat a phrase that illustrated mercy towards His people. Though it was simple, the phrase meant provision. The phrase meant salvation. The phrase meant favor.
For David’s sake.
David, the giant slayer. David, the psalmist. David, the man after God’s own heart. Great King David. I appreciated and admired the way God honored David so much that even as his descendants acted foolishly, actively deciding not to follow the ways of God, God still continued to bless them and preserve their line for David’s sake. Israel was His people. The line to Jesus needed to be preserved. For David’s sake, God forgave, pardoned, corrected, warned, and waited. How blessed they were by God’s honor. How blessed we are.

Witnessing God’s honor of David sparked not only gratitude but desire. I found myself wanting to be someone God honored in that way. I found myself wanting to save the lives of future generations as well as the people currently connected to me that were lost or had fallen away. For my sake, I wanted God to cover, to protect, and to save. While I felt this desire build, I simultaneously felt inadequacy rise. David, after all, was the anointed one set on pleasing God. David had great faith while mine could be faulty. David had boldness in the face of opposition while I was often willing to list my fears and excuses. David was a different breed, not at all like the person I currently saw myself to be, the person you may see yourself as. Even still, the desire grew. I thought that maybe if I read about David and saw, play by play, how he reacted in situations, I could learn how to strengthen my faith and be more like him. As I studied, thank God, I quickly realized that David and I already had a lot in common.

As much as David is celebrated for being a man after God’s own heart, David sure messed up a lot. He was someone with two sides. He was indeed a man of God. He worshiped God in humility and gratitude. He consulted God before making decisions. He trusted God to fight his battles. He ensured that the Israelites followed God’s law.  Despite those great acts, David also committed adultery. He murdered to try and hide his sin. He responded cowardly when conflict in his family arose. He sometimes let pride stop him from ruling well. It soon became clear that God’s honor of David had very little to do with his “greatness”. God honored him because more than any error he made, David was consistent in seeking the face of God. He readily asked God to clean his heart of sin and injustice. He quickly humbled himself when pride tried to overtake him. He accepted punishment from God, not with disdain but with appreciation. He cared about God’s approval more than anyone else’s. He was after God, whether he was up or down, good or bad. That’s what I pray God honors about me. That’s what I pray God honors about you.

“… and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses. Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go and that the Lord may keep his promise to me: ‘If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a successor on the throne of Israel.’”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭2:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As we continue to adult, piecing together our lives in hopes of a better future for ourselves and our families, I pray that we also factor in the weight of God’s endorsement. I pray we seek His favor, not just for ourselves but our circle as well. While financial stability is awesome, salvation holds eternal weight. I ask that you be the person seeking after God. I ask that you begin to value and trust His word even when it proves difficult. I ask that you walk in the brightness of your light. I ask that as God instructs you, you pray for help and boldness to be obedient. This goes beyond living a good life and going to heaven when you die. It’s about the salvation, protection, healing, and restoration of your parents, your children, your coworkers, your neighborhood, and your generation. That’s the model Jesus set. That’s grown up stuff. That’s real adulting. Let’s begin to look around. This world is yearning and groaning for us (Romans 8:19-23). Let’s be the people who change this world.

For your sake, twentysomethings. 💕

Is It Reliable?

Is It Reliable?

Even though I have a few years left, there’s no denying that my twenty something journey is coming to a close. With thirty on the horizon, my mind can’t help but think about who I’ll become as a thirty something. For many, thirty announces true adulthood. No longer struggling (as much) to figure things out, thirty somethings seem to have a greater handle on crises with much more wisdom and responsibility. I can’t forget about the stereotypical thirty something events either. Marriage, babies, owning homes, finding that stable job, and finally starting your life (as if it’s been on standby all this time). These are all wonderful and exciting things to anticipate. As I reflect on these upcoming events however, there’s something about them that seem a little sketchy. They look like a lot of pushing, pressure, expectation, and comparison. For me, to a degree, they raise a red flag. Is this the marker of success for me? Is this who I must become? What if I don’t achieve everything in time? What will that mean for me?

When I ask those questions, what I’m truly getting at is purpose. We’re told to build the family, climb the corporate ladder and secure wealth to pass down. We’re told to look for stability, to do better than our parents, and never settle for less. These are great things, honorable aspirations. What happens, however, when those things fail? What happens when that stable job lays you off? What happens when you’re 35 and aren’t married with kids yet? What happens when you do your very best and still don’t get promoted? Do you crash and burn and settle in defeat? Who even told you that you had to follow that specific path on that specific timeline anyway? If you veer off and take some back streets to the final destination, are you any less than? I hope you already know the right answer.

What frustrates me most is that these expectations don’t put God in the equation at all. We are told to hustle. To network. To date. To pursue. To fight. Did God tell us to do that though? Moreover, did God finish developing the character necessary for us to handle such things responsibly? It all feels like pressure to perform without the wisdom to discern. As the world makes these cultural rules for us to follow, have we ever considered how shaky the world and its ways are? Have we ever considered how shaky and unreliable even we can be? We believe something one day then prove it wrong by next week. We have mood swings and make hasty decisions that prove detrimental. How can we follow a guideline put forth by people and institutions that can barely hold themselves above water? What’s the solution?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

One of the things I love about God is that He is all knowing. Even with the best education and life experiences, sometimes our plans and ventures fall flat. Our understanding is faulty. Our foresight is nearsighted. On our own, we can’t always be sure our decisions are their absolute best. When we take the pressure off of ourselves however, and let God lead us, we gain confidence. God is now on the line for the plans and steps He tells us to follow. We are assured that even if things seem to be going left, God is not a liar. If He promised that all things work together for the good of those who love Him (aka us), then good they will be. No unnecessary pressure. No worldly standards. No burden. God has it under control.

“Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.” – Proverbs 3:9–10

Put notice on the promise of overflow in this scripture. Have you realized that in order to fill to overflow, you must be the source of the abundance. Once again, it’s a promise from God that releases the pressure from us. You’re honoring God with the firstfruits because He was the one who supplied it in the first place. If He’s the ultimate provider then our only job is to work well and trust Him for the provision. His provision may be a job you weren’t qualified for or an extra check you weren’t expecting. His provision may be that job layoff, which protected you from scandal at the corporation, or even just enough to pay the bills another month. Whether it seems grand or simple, the source is solid. It’s reliable. It’s generous. It’s trustworthy. It’s God. Let the characteristics of God bring about the peace you need in this world of striving.

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” – James 4:10

I realize that what I’m suggesting is a tall order for some. We aren’t necessarily wired to just trust God. We’ve been taught to do our best, be responsible, plan for the future, and strive to live our best lives. I’m not suggesting we stop having goals and aspirations. I’m only asking us to assess the source whenever we’re motivated to move in a certain direction or desire something that the world told us was necessary. Will you actually let God lead instead of you? Will you accept His sovereignty even if it comes at the hand of changing your perfectly decorated vision board? Will you stop just hearing what God has said and finally test Him in it? I challenge you to simply stay open and available to whatever God is wanting to do in you. He promises that it’ll be far more than you can imagine! (Ephesians 3:20-21)

We’re not stable enough to run our own lives. Let God take the reins, twentysomethings ❤️