For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:3

I have never before identified myself as prideful. Pride and I never seemed to go together. Prideful people couldn’t be told right from wrong. Prideful people had stuck up attitudes 24/7. Prideful people were rude and inconsiderate of others who were “less than them”. That wasn’t me, until it was. Imagine then, my amazement, when I found myself  turning up my nose at someone, reducing their existence to the words of gossip, and deeming them unworthy of my help. Immediately, God shined a bright light on my heart. I was faced with the question: was this the true me?

Without going into full detail,  I caught myself being extremely stuck up. I felt that I had the power to pick and choose what I’d do for others. I felt like I had the authority to choose who and how I wanted to forgive others. Even as I write this now, I find myself cringing at how bad this sounds and how bad it makes me look. Despite this, I realize just how real and ridiculously common this problem is for both myself and many of you. This revelation required me to ask: Why is pride so easy to fall into and so easy to not notice, especially in ourselves?

In my opinion, a lot of it has to do with worldly validation. All of us seek to be appreciated, to be looked at with admiration, and to feel like we are worth something in this world. We tend to look at our financial status, the people we know, the education we received, and the physical looks we have (this is a short list), to make the case on why we should be appreciated. Compared to the next guy on the street, or working at our job, or the crazy family member we all have, we are doing good. So good, in fact, we now have some elitist mentality that highlights our strengths and forgets the flaws. Further, it makes us forget where we got the “better than” from in the first place. We lose sight of the truth that it’s not anything we did to be so great, but instead, God’s grace working in our lives.

Culture teaches us to think this way. It was our accomplishments, our hard work , and our looks that made us slay the way we do. The highlight reels on Instagram and Snapchat only push us to outdo the next person and prove that there’s something about us that the next person could never do or have. This faulty perception only further builds our pride, as we now have to keep outdoing and outslaying the next person to stay on top and keep our pride happy.

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening–it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. – Hebrews 12:11

I found myself, the day God really brought my ugliness to light, both in the depths of gossip and the stubborn unwillingness to be of service to others. I could feel God say to me, “bruh, what are you doing?!”. As you all know, the pruning process I’m in is ever evolving. Here again, was another lesson primed and ready to go. The lesson, this time, was without God I was no one. Better put, I had no rights, no authority, and no nerve to sit there and exalt myself. Without God constantly forgiving me, gracing me, teaching me, and growing me, I’d be the same mess (if not worse) than the person I was gossiping about. Without God, I wouldn’t even have the resources that I was now being stingy with! Who, then, gave me the right to act this way?

As God began to read my entire life, I began to sober up. I was still messy, even with God’s healing, and I had no right at all to dream up the concept that I was better than another person. I felt down on myself and extremely ashamed that I acted that way when God had shown me nothing but kindness, grace, and patience. It should have been common knowledge to extend that grace to others around me. That would be the least I could do. The process of being disciplined, as you can imagine, hurt. Not just from the actual reprimand, but from the self awareness I experienced. I remember asking for forgiveness and help. I wanted to let go of whatever spurred that in me. I wanted it removed and I wanted to be healed.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:2

The process of healing is eye opening. Within it, I found unchecked self esteem issues, doubt issues, and comparison problems. I found that a lot of that behavior was taught and passed down from family. I realized how worldly I still was. The desire to overcome that became consuming. Gossiping may seem simple and harmless, but it’s not. You’re allowing negative and hurtful energy into your life. It’s blatant disregard to the grace God has given you. It’s bad stewardship of your gifts and blessings. It’s dimming your light to gain the world but lose your soul. It’s a major problem, twentysomethings. I pray that you check yourself the next time you find yourself waist deep in the sea of pride. Run from it as quickly as you can. Ask for help to overcome it.  Here’s your chance to break the cycle. Go for it!

 

Win God’s way, twentysomethings.