I’ve battled with self-acceptance for as long as I can remember.  Since a child, I remember always having a problem with myself. I remember being ridiculed for being too chubby and too soft (not tough or strong). For being too shy. For being too studious and serious. As an adult, though I received less outward criticism, I mastered the art of criticizing myself. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t cool or interesting enough. I wasn’t assertive enough. I wasn’t confident enough in my decision making. And on and on it went. From childhood to present day, I felt like there was always some issue or problem that needed to be fixed. I wasn’t liked enough as is. I wasn’t chosen as is. I wasn’t happy as is. I wasn’t good enough as is.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” – Genesis 1:27,31 NIV

In Genesis 1, on the sixth day, God created man. Man was, and still is, made in the image of God. Like God, man is creative, capable of giving and receiving love, holds authority and dominion, and brings forth life. Man was created just a little lower than the angels and held up as valuable in the Lord’s eyes (Hebrews 2:7-8). God’s own breath was breathed into the nostrils of man, and he became a living being. Before man ever displayed the characteristics of God or completed work for the Lord, on that sixth day, God called man good.

To be called good by God is the foundation of acceptance. God fashioned Adam and didn’t feel the need to give the man any alterations. Nothing was wrong with his body or his personality. Nothing was wrong with his intelligence or his relationship with God. He was perfect. In fact, not once in Genesis 1 or 2 do we see Adam have issue with himself. He was in communion with God and content with the work set before him. He never questioned himself, or God, and never seemed to show displeasure with himself or his circumstances. It wasn’t until God made mention that Adam needed a helper that anything being “not good” ever surfaced (Genesis 2:18). And even then, Adam was not made aware of it. The addition of Eve, in Genesis 2, had nothing to do with a flaw in Adam. Eve entered the garden, with perfect crafting, to enhance the purpose and power of man on the earth. She aided in the fulfillment of those characteristics God gave us. Her introduction only reaffirmed the truth: man was good. It was from that foundation of acceptance that both Adam and Eve could live at their greatest potential. They were perfect for each other and perfect for God. They were content and they had rest. It was holiness.

Unlike Adam and Eve, I wasn’t rooted in God’s acceptance of me. I didn’t grow up aware of or even seeking God’s perspective. Faced with internal and external criticism, I dealt with my self-acceptance issues through performance and people pleasing. Not knowing God declared me good, I looked to everyone else to accept and affirm me. My confidence and sense of wholeness was based entirely around someone else’s opinion of me. As a result, I often shape shifted to please other people’s preferences or stressed myself out to perform at my very best level. I took on likes and interests that I probably, on my own, would not have taken on. I tried to fit a certain look to be cool or capture attention that I might not have gravitated to otherwise. I stressed so hard over my academics because it was there that I got the most applause and celebration. I worked for acceptance instead of working from acceptance. I fought to be what everyone wanted and ended up still missing the mark. I tired myself out and had nothing to show for it. I wasn’t content. I wasn’t at rest. I still wasn’t good enough.

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'” – Matthew‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Like Adam, Jesus operated from the foundation of the Father’s acceptance. Though God Himself, Jesus humbled Himself and took on lowly flesh to dwell among us. Having flesh like us, it’s possible that Jesus could have had the temptation to look elsewhere for validation and approval. But before Jesus ever performed one miracle or announced that He was the Messiah, His Father let everyone know that Jesus brought Him immense pleasure. Operating from this foundation of acceptance, Jesus was never swayed by public opinion or ridicule. Many times, in the Gospels, we see Jesus unphased by the opinions of the world. He had no problem confronting the Pharisees about their hypocrisy, without fear of their rebuke or punishment (Matthew 23:13-39). He let lies about His character roll off His shoulders because He knew exactly who He was (Matthew 11:18-19). He had no problem teaching and affirming God’s way, instead of the way of the flesh, even when it wasn’t popular or easily digestible by His followers (Matthew 18:21-35). Even as He was nailed to the cross, He still knew His place as Son (Luke 23:35-46).

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” – Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭14‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Like Adam and Jesus, we, too, have been deeply affirmed by the Father. Before we even accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, God loved us and made a way to restore relationship with Him through the death of Jesus (John 3:16-17). To be an image bearer, which we all are, is enough for His love. But when we accept Christ, we become children of God. As children, not only are we loved, but we are adopted and chosen as His own. With adoption comes right standing with God. With adoption comes eternal life. With adoption comes inheritance of victory, power, and eternal reward. This is the foundation of acceptance and love we have to stand on. It is from this foundation that we must learn to fight back against criticism (self-inflicted or otherwise) and poor self-esteem. While it is easy to see our flaws and feel unworthy of love, God has already made His position towards us clear. When the devil tells you how bad you are, you can hold up your status as a child of God. When people criticize your looks, personality, or gifts, you can counter with the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-18).

A few months ago, I listened to a sermon by Pastor Stephanie Ike-Okafor (highly recommend!) on the call to holiness. She shared many gems, but there was one in particular that stood out to me — “Holiness is wholeness.” She described wholeness as full dependence on God. Our worth, satisfaction, pleasure, and will belong to and are rooted in God. Self-acceptance in light of God’s deep pleasure in us, then, is holiness. And while that sounds great, and it IS great, if you’re anything like me, with the history that I have, the work of self-acceptance can feel almost impossible. To see yourself as valuable to God when you’ve not been told that in the natural feels unrealistic. To love yourself, knowing all the flaws and faults you genuinely possess, sounds ridiculous. And yet, for all that we are, God called us good. He meets our warped self-image, our very real issues, and unhealed trauma with grace, mercy, empathy, forgiveness, love, and acceptance. And sure, there might be some reconstruction that has to take place. Perhaps you do need to take better care of your temple or work on that attitude you have, but, in God’s eyes, still, you are good.

If you at all battle with this, I implore you to pray intentionally for God’s help. Ask Him to help you to accept His unconditional love. Ask Him to give you the strength to fight back, with His Word and truth, against condemnation and shame. Ask Him to help you see yourself and love yourself the way He does. Ask Him to bring godly community into your life to encourage you and speak life over you. Ask Him to help you find a therapist to process your trauma with, if needed. Ask Him to help you believe Him when your flesh wants to write Him off. Ask Him. Loving ourselves, because God first loved us, is crucial to us living a life marked by holiness. It provides the foundation from which we jump out and shine our light into this world. Today’s world so desperately needs our light. We can’t afford to have minds tainted with the lies of culture (Ephesians 4:23-24). We can’t afford to sit in poor self-esteem when people need to see God’s glory through the good things God called us to do (1 Peter 2:12). We can’t afford to submit to man’s limitations for us when God has things in mind that we can’t even fathom (Ephesians 3:20-21). It’s important, then, that we stay committed to the process of self-acceptance, no matter how many ups and downs we experience along the way. The more we reflect on what God has said about us, the stronger the resolve to believe it will be. We are loved, valued, and worthy in God. God, quite literally, can’t love us more than He already does. It is from that foundation that we must show up in this world. Go forth boldly.

Until next time, be ye holy…authentically. ❤️